“Yeah.” Jem rubbed at the back of his neck. “I wanted to leave a more detailed note, but I couldn’t find a pen—I’d had that envelope just, um, in my pocket, in case. Anyway. Ivy went into labor, so we had to rush out. The baby’s doing great!” he added before River could ask. “But she was eight pounds, so I think Ivy is a little bit mad at me.”
Jesus. “That’s probably fair,” River said faintly.
Jem nodded like a bobblehead. “She was the one who figured out it must’ve been Colton—my stepbrother—who spilled the beans on Reddit.” He grimaced. “Which sucks for him too, because he idolizes you. The other day, he called me in tears. He’s twelve, so he was mortified.”
Fuck. “Poor kid.”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s what happened. When I put it all together, I felt sick.” Jem’s breath stuttered. “I know how many people have hurt you, and I hate that I’m one of them. I never—”
His voice cracked.
River’s throat ached. He’d always been a sympathetic crier. “Jem—”
“No, just let me get it out. Please.” Jem took another deep breath. “You have to know it was never about the money. Not after the first date. I mean the bookstore was great, but then when you said you were glad I teach kindergarten, that’s when I….”
River’s heart pounded in his throat.
“That’s when I knew I was going to fall in love with you.”
Something hot hit River’s cheeks. His lungs felt too big for his chest.
“Tori tricked me into going to the Steamy Bean. She didn’t know I was planning to give you the money back today—”
“Sunshine.” River needed to derail this conversation before it turned into a trainwreck. Somehow his hands found Jem’s. Now they were looking into each other’s wet eyes. “What do you mean, you were going to give it back today?”
An errant tear rolled down Jem’s cheek. Rather than break River’s grip to wipe it away, he smeared it onto his shoulder. “I got a VIP ticket. I thought I probably wouldn’t see you, but I could at least see Amanda and give it to her—”
“How did you afford a VIP ticket?” Those had sold out fast. The secondary market prices madeRiver’seyes water.
“I sold the Subaru.” Jem shrugged, a tiny, understated thing. “Whichalsosucked. I loved that car. But not as much as I….” He trailed off like he wasn’t sure he should repeat himself. “I know it can’t make anything better—”
“Sunshine,” River interrupted quietly.
Jem gave a pathetic facsimile of a laugh. “I thought I’d never hear you call me that again.”
River squeezed his hands. “Sunshine.” He’d never fucking stop saying it. He could hear the smile in his own voice. “I don’t want you to make everything better. You’re not the only one who needs to apologize.”
Jem swallowed hard.
“I’msorry,” River said quietly. “Yeah, you lied and that sucked, and I was mad about it. But I jumped to conclusions. I let myself think the worst. I shut you out without giving you a chance to explain.”
A minute shake of the head. “I don’t blame you.”
River huffed a haughty little breath. “Okay, well, I can blame me for both of us.”
Jem laughed for real that time. It was the best sound River had ever heard.
“Ever since Eric and Ward told me they were done, I’ve been waiting for my life to fall apart. That’s on me, not you or them. They’ve been like family, and when they said they were leaving, it felt like my parents were getting divorced. I was drowning, and then Amanda introduced me to you, and I clung to you like a life preserver and told myself I was learning how to swim. And then I let go.” River brought Jem’s hands to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I don’t want you to make it better.Iwant to be better. I want to trust the people I love to love me back.”
“I do,” Jem whispered. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
River changed his mind—thatwas the best thing he’d ever heard. “So we’re agreed. We both suck, and we’re both hopelessly in love with each other—” Jem made a strangled sound. “—and we’re here crying about it and ruining my voice before my last concert as a Flat Tire instead of kissing and making up like normal people—”
Jem interrupted him with a kiss that tasted like salt and sunshine and relief. River pulled him onto his lap and held him there even after the kiss broke.
Then the chair made a noise of protest and they both dissolved into giggles.
“God, we’re a fucking mess,” River hiccupped, helping Jem to his feet but not letting him go.
