He’d needed her help to set this plan in motion. How was River supposed to get someone an early-access backstage pass to his concert at the last minute? He couldn’t just give Jem a note that saidPlease allow this man past security, thanks much, River W.So he’d had Amanda get him the pass, and River had scrawled on the envelopetalk tomorrow 5pm?and then texted Jem to please pick up his mail at the front desk of his building ASAP.
But then today, the clock had ticked over to five, and then five fifteen, and then twenty past, and now it was 5:29 and River’s palms were sweating worse than they had before his ninth-grade talent show.
Someone knocked on the door.
River’s fingers forgot how to work. He took a deep breath and tried to stand up straight. “Come in.”
The door opened and there he was.
A person shouldn’t make River want to touch them so bad, he thought. Jem took a step inside and River had the immediate urge to hug him. He needed to put his hands on Jem’s body and feel his warmth and breathe him in.
But he didn’t do that. He might not get to do that at all. Talking first.
River wasgoing to talk. As soon as his mouth remembered it had a tongue in it.
The door clicked shut.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Jem blurted. His eyes were wide, his cheeks stained red with exertion, like he’d been running. “A fucking sinkhole opened up in the middle of the road. This town is crazy.” He managed an entire breath before spewing on, “And I’m sorry about—I didn’t tell anyone about your music or the Flat Tires, but I drank too much at the wedding and the next morning I was hungover and I let my stepbrother look through my videos of you because he’s a huge Flat Tires fan and he asked about my lock screen—”
Oh. Oh, Jem had been panicking for atleastas long as River. For a few seconds, River relished that fact. And then he felt like an asshole. If he’d given Jem the benefit of the doubt in the first place, he could’ve saved both of them a lot of hurt.
Jem wiped a hand over his face. “I didn’t realize he was going to recognize your song from TikTok and like, out you on the internet—”
“Jem.”
His mouth closed with an audible click.
“Do you—”Want to kiss me as bad as I want to kiss you?“—want to sit down and breathe for a second?”
“I… yes. Okay. Good idea.” Jem dropped weakly into the chair Amanda had vacated.
River took the one kitty-corner and knitted his fingers together to avoid reaching out for him.
And then he frowned, derailed, because there was sweat at Jem’s hairline and he was wearing the jacket River had given him, zipped up to the neck.
In June.
“Why are you wearing a jacket?”
“Oh my God.” Jem put his face in his hands. “I’ll show you, but we have to talk first.”
Considering that the last time River had Jem in a green room, he’dhad himin the green room, he couldn’t disagree. However—“Maybe I should ask the questions?”
More color flooded Jem’s cheeks. “That’s probably a good idea.”
“Why did you lie about being at Andrew’s wedding?”
Jem flinched. “Because I’m a fucking asshole.” He lifted a shoulder. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to make it anyway, and I told myself I didn’t want you to feel bad about that, because I knew you would. You’d want to show everyone in South Carolina how great you thought I was.”
River couldn’t deny that he would have absolutely loved the chance to dote on Jem where his asshat father could choke on it. “But?”
“But actually I was just up my own ass and I… part of me wanted to show up and look successful on my own. You know? I got in my head thinking somehow everyone would find out I was your sugar baby.”
Now River was the one who winced. “Ouch.”
“Which was sostupid,” Jem went on as though he couldn’t help himself. River hadn’t seen him like this since thejust let people like thingsrant. “Because I hadn’t been there for twenty minutes before I was thinking how much better it would’ve been with you there. Once Margaret and I were done our wardrobe critique all I wanted was to give you the play-by-play.”
God damn it. River absolutely wanted the play-by-play. But he had to keep his focus. He only had so much time beforethe show. “And yesterday? You said you’d wait, but when I came out of the back room, you were gone.”
