Tony_Sparky: Hi ShaJay, wow, I'm flattered someone as beautiful as you liked my profile. I had a great opening line ready, but your beauty made me forget it.
“I mean, it's a bit cheesy but first messages can be hard and you need to stand out so, A for effort, I guess,” Elle says with a wrinkle of her nose.
“Which one was he? Open his profile again,” I direct Jaime, since she has control of my phone still. “Ok, he's cute in an understated, buttoned-up kinda way. Likes dogs, ex-wife but no kids, enjoys reading, loves to cook. He ticks a lot of boxes, to be fair.”
“How do you want to reply?” her thumbs hover over the keys.
I snatch my phone back from her death grip, “I can type myself, dude.” God knows what she’d write if I left her to her own devices.
ShaJay: Hi Tony, thanks for the return like. Smooth line, too. I'll be honest, this is my first time on a dating app and it's a little nerve-wracking. So, in the interest of breaking the ice, would you rather be an unknown superhero or a famous villain?
“That's a weird but oddly good question! Also, why is your username ShaJay?” Elle asks.
“Famous villain,” Jaime punctuates with a nod. “And we don't want to give out her real full name for weirdos to be able to Google. I don't imagine there are many Shari Joneses out there.”
“Good point.”
Funnily enough, none of us feel the need to question Jaime's villain answer. It tracks.
Tony_Sparky: I love this question! It's a tough one, because I'd be lying if I said I didn't want some recognition for any heroic acts, but ultimately I'd want to be the good guy so...unknown superhero. Would you rather live in a world where everyone is overly polite or overly honest?
ShaJay: Good answer! And this one's easy – overly honest. I grew up in Asia where you get honest opinions whether you want them or not, so I'm used to it
Tony_Sparky: That's actually so true! I went to Singapore once and was told by a total stranger that I looked like a fat Justin Bartha. I didn't know who he was, but I wasn't even fat!
The girls and I burst out laughing because that is just about the most Southeast Asian interaction the poor guy could have had.
Tony and I end up messaging back and forth for the next few days, so when he asks me to meet for a drink the next weekend, I agree.
24
TONY THE PHONEY
SHARI
9th October2025
“Daddy!”my little cherub squeals as her father opens the door. My heart can’t help but squeeze when he picks her up and spins her around, peppering her face with kisses. When they both turn to look at me with matching grins, my ovaries join in. Just a little. But they absolutely should not be doing that!Bad ovaries! Down girls! No squeezing or grinning for you.
He gives me a quick one-armed hug and cheek kiss before taking Elizabeth’s bag from me and leading us into the house.
“So, what have you got planned tonight? I mean, I’ll never complain about having this ray of sunshine overnight, but you don’t usually go off-schedule. You got a big date?” he asks nonchalantly, as he puts Lizzie down and hands her an apple juice. Like it’s a joke and there’s no way that would ever be the case. I know he doesn’t mean it to be, but it still stings like an insult, and really doesn’t help with my nerves.
“Actually yeah. I have a date.” I’m surprised he doesn’t break his neck by how fast he snaps his head in my direction. His assessing gaze takes in my appearance as if only just noticing that I've made an effort.Ouch.
“You…what? You actually have a date?” The barbs just keep on coming! He must notice my expression fall because he immediately takes a step towards me and quickly follows up with, “No, Shari, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…you never date. I didn’t even know you’d met anyone.”
“Well, it’s new. The girls set up a Love After Life account for me last week. He reached out straight away and we've been texting a lot. He asked me out, and I figured why not, right? I may be old compared to you, but I’m too young to give up on love and become a crazy dog lady.”
“Ok, first of all, you're not old and stop with this ‘compared to you’ bollocks. I’ve never had an issue with our age gap. You know that and you’re projecting. Secondly, isn’t it meant to be a crazy cat lady?”
“Yeah, but dogs! All the liddle bitty puppies and the oldies doing slow zoomies, the floppy ears and the cute little boopers and gaaahhh!! I’d have a house full of dogs if I didn’t think Little Miss here would traumatise them. Pickles is enough for now.” I bend down and punctuate the sentiment with a kiss on the top of Lizzie’s head, which sets her off on a squeal of giggles and shouting our dog's name.
Brad and I join in with the laughter because that shit is contagious, and when I look at them together my heart flips over itself. Again. My Elizabeth looks so much like her daddy, with their gorgeous turquoise eyes and golden waves. Their matching grins always make it harder for me to separate my complicated feelings for Brad.
“So, what do we know about this guy? Where are you meeting him? Do you want me to phone you in an hour in case you need a fake escape?”
“Wow, interrogation much?”
