23
A DADDY IN THE SHEETS
SHARI
28th September2025
“Hey, you're early,”Jaime notes as I strop past her and flop face first onto her sofa.
“I hay muh lie,” I mumble into the furniture.
“In English, please?”
I turn my head just enough to free my lips from the cushion, my hair streaked across my face, “I hate my liiiife!”
“Oh, Shari. No, you don't. Is this about Brad and Larissa?” she asks, knowingly.
“Maybe. They're just...they're just so...happy! It's the worst!” I scoff. “I hate it. And I hate that I hate it. And I feel guilty that I hate it.”
“I don't want to say I told you so, but I totally did. You're the one that kept pushing him away. You said you want him to be happy.”
“And I dooooo! Just...not without me. And I know that's ridiculous and selfish and makes absolutely no sense because Idid this to myself, but this bitch ain't logical!” I whine. I may also kick my legs like a toddler having a tantrum. “I like Larissa. I really do, but seeing them happy and hearing him gush about her is a killer.”
The sudden pounding of footsteps on the stairs is my only warning before a small child launches onto my back, knocking the wind out of me. “Auntie Shari!!! Did you bring Pickles?” Marcus screams directly into my ear.
I reach behind me and tickle him as best as I can in this position. “Is that all you want me for, Marcus The Meanie? My dog? Huh?”
He's wriggling and screeching with laughter as he breathlessly tries to reply, “No! I also...like...Lizzie and...your peanut butter cookies!” He manages to scramble off me and runs away yelling, “Bring them all next time!” as he cackles his way back upstairs.
I'm exhausted already so I just lie there, still face down on the sofa, breathing in the smell of blossom Febreeze, and possibly spilt orange juice.
Jaime's silent for so long I end up lifting my head and brushing my hair out of my eyes to check she's still there. She's leaning against the wall with her arms crossed, studying me.
“You think I'm pathetic.”
“A little, yeah, but that's not what I'm focused on.”
“Gee, thanks. Too much honesty, where's Elle to stroke my hair and tell me I'm pretty?”
“That's not what you need right now. But I know just the thing. Give me your phone.”
“My phone? Why?” I question, even as I hand it over.
“You'll see.” She's still tapping away on my mobile when both Elle and Max show up and let themselves in.
I hear someone shoutpile onbefore I'm buried under a mound of children. “No! Ack! How do you have this manyelbows between you? Help me! Why aren't your parents helping me?!” All I get in return are more elbows and squealing laughter. Also pretty sure I hear some camera shutter clicks because my friends suck. It does bring a smile to my face as the kids eventually let me up for air, and as soon as I'm sitting upright I open my arms wide and crush them together for a hug.
Once they've all disappeared upstairs to play, I notice Jaime's still got my phone. “Seriously, what are you doing with my mobile?”
“Hang on, one more thing and...done!” She returns my phone to me with a triumphant smile.
I look down at the screen to see a new app open – Love After Life – and a profile set up. “You set me up on a dating app?” I ask, incredulously.
“Yep! But it's that one for over thirty-fives. Most people on there have baggage in the form of divorce and/or kids, so you're all generally in the same boat.”
“Oh, I think this is a great idea!” Max rubs her hands together like a villain.
Elle is reading my new profile over my shoulder. “Looking for a daddy in the streets and adaddyin the sheets?” she bursts into giggles.
