“Isn’t the point of falling in love handing your heart to someone and hoping they don’t break it?” Warren asked and Ari nodded.
“Yeah, and I don’t want to play games with my heart. What’s so terrible about that?”
Warren huffed and rolled his eyes.
“Nothing is wrong with that, Dare. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect your heart,” Ari said and there was real hurt in his eyes.
“So, let me get this straight. This guy could be your endgame and you’re not willing to let him love you back because he might one day, maybe, break your heart,” Warren said. I nodded. “I don’t know Dare, sounds like an excuse to me.”
“Of course, it’s an excuse. You don’t know what it’s like having your heart shattered into a million pieces with no way of putting it back together. So yeah, it’s an excuse but it’s an excuse to protect your being,” Ari told Warren and we both watched the doctor for a few moments.
“This guy gets it,” I said.
Warren laughed.
“I can’t believe I’m the one standing up for love and relationships here. This is wild, but you guys have seen war. You’ve seen death. You’ve seen destruction. We have all this shit going on in the world, and you’re telling me you think theworst thing that can happen to you guys is someone hurting your feelings and having to start over again. What in the hell, guys? What in the actual hell?
“I don’t…I don’t care. Do what you want but running from someone you clearly fucking like, just because some guy who was too scared of himself to come out broke your heart, sounds cowardly to me and I never pegged you for a coward. If what you said is true, Zach has been through hell. He just needs to feel safe, and he needs to be loved. He doesn’t need this bullshit and if you can’t give him that, you need to let him go.”
I stared at my friend, unable to speak. What could I possibly say when he was making so much sense? Ishouldlet Zach go. It was the sane thing to do to protect us both.
“You’re right,” I said. “That’s what I should do.”
Warren sighed and shook his head in frustration. I handed my coffee cup back to Ari and waved goodbye before returning to my car.
I drove back home determined to take back control of the situation. To do what needs to be done. I called Wyatt, already rehearsing what I was going to tell him.
“Hello?” he answered just as I arrived home and I turned the engine off.
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I only stared at my front door and breathed.
“Hello? Dare?”
I should ask him to find someone else to take Zach in. Someone else he could stay with. There were so many of my oldteammates on the island. Surely, someone could take him in, but…
The thought of walking through that door, to an empty home without Zach to fill it with his warmth and his energy…I couldn’t do that.
He’d only been at my home for two weeks and I couldn’t stand the idea of him gone. Of him being out of my life.
What the fuck am I so scared of?
“Dare? Are you there?” Wyatt shouted on the other end, and I almost laughed.
He’d ruined everything. He’d ruined me. Before he chickened out, I knew what I wanted. I knew who I was. I knew I wanted marriage and kids and the whole nine fucking yards. But he went and destroyed everything. My trust, my psyche, my sense of self.
Would it really be so bad if…I tried again? If I gave myself another chance to be happy?
“Sorry. That was a mistake,” I said, and hung up.
I stormed out of the car and walked to the front door with determined steps. When I got inside, Zach was in the kitchen.
It was his element. His domain and kingdom. He was talented. And so joyful. Despite what Victor had done to him he hadn’t lost his spirit. Not yet.
“Hi.” I smiled.
Zach stopped and looked at me. He smiled softly too. “Hi.”
Lookah launched at me, but I pushed him back and walked across the room to get to Zach.
