But I had to try. Imam Rajab was right.
Which was why, after I came out of the Mosque, I messaged Cole to ask him on another date.
And he immediately said yes.
19.Cole
At nine, I turned up at Books and Claws. I couldn’t help the feeling in my stomach, both from hunger and excitement. Like butterflies caught in a storm. I hadn’t felt like that in years. I thought I never would again. I’d forgotten what it was like, liking someone. It was exhilarating.
And yet every fiber of reason in my body kept telling me this wasn’t right. This would only lead to disaster. Because dating and relationships shouldn’t be what I was focusing on right now. It should be rebuilding my bond with Ella. Strengthening it. Not trying to get me some.
Two sides of myself are at war with each other. Reason and desire. Enzo and Carson’s words of wisdom ring in my ears as much as my own hesitation and guilt. It was exhausting.
But when Samir messaged me to ask me out, I couldn’t find it in me to say no. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go one more day without seeing him, hanging out with him, breathing the same air as him.
“You’re being so stupid, Cole,” I mumbled with a sigh and walked up to the front door of the bookstore.
The lights were out already, and as I approached, Samir came out and locked up.
“Hey!” I said.
He jumped and then turned and noticed me with a big smile, which was quickly replaced by a grimace of guilt.
“What’s up?” I asked.
He squished his lips this way and that before he said, “I might need a rain check. I’m sorry. I should have called but it just happened, so I didn’t get the chance.”
I took a step back and narrowed my eyes.
“What are you talking about? What happened?”
“A customer called to say they saw a box of kittens dumped on the street down at the bay. I was gonna go and check it out.”
“I can come with you. If you don’t mind,” I said.
Samir pursed his lips and frowned.
“I wouldn’t want to put you out.”
I laughed.
“Put me out? I mean, we had dinner plans. I’m free for the night. What better way to spend the evening than rescuing kittens. Unless… you don’t want me there.”
His face softened and he shook his head.
“No. Of course not. I’d love it… if you joined me.”
I nodded with a smile and closed the distance between us, grabbed his hands, and stood up on my toes to kiss his cheek.
He froze on contact, and I took the moment to inhale his musky, woodsy, and slightly fruity scent. A scent that sparked a flame inside me that put my body right on edge.
“Let’s go,” I managed to croak before pulling away and offering him my hand.
He took it and we walked together to his car; a modest but shiny Mitsubishi Mirage. We sat inside, holding our hands in front of the vents and rubbing them together, trying to warm up inside the frozen car.
“I think it’s gonna snow soon,” I said and watched as condensation rose up from my mouth.
Samir nodded.
