Had I given him the impression I wasn’t happy with my life?
“Maybe you were. But you’re stagnant. And how happy can stagnation make you?”
I opened my mouth to protest, but his words rang true so there was nothing to contradict.
Maybe I had been stuck. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t anymore.
“I mean, it’s just dating. It doesn’t mean he’s the love of my life or anything,” I said.
“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. You won’t know unless you get to know him and spend time together.”
I sighed.
“But he’s so much younger. And he has a kid. I’m sure he doesn’t want an old man whose whole life revolves around cats and books.”
Imam Rajab grimaced.
“Have you asked him?”
“Ask him what?” I scoffed. “If he would want me?”
The imam nodded.
“Of course not. That’s too forward.”
He laughed. “And being forward is bad?”
I shrugged.
“There’s nothing wrong with asking for clarity. With being true to yourself and wanting to be on the same page with him. And as for being too old or him being too young and all that, you do know partnerships are not made to fit like two puzzle pieces, right? Human relationships are complicated. That’s what makes them so difficult to navigate but also so rewarding.”
“But what if I get too attached and he doesn’t want me the same way? What if he changes his mind? What if he decides I’m not the best option for him and his daughter?”
The imam considered for a moment before he took my hands and gave them a squeeze.
“What ifyouchange your mind? What ifyouwake up tomorrow, or next month, or next year and you realize you’ve made a mistake? That he’s not right for you?”
I frowned.
“I’m… I’m not sure I understand.”
“Samir, my boy, all I’m trying to say is we don’t have all the answers. No one does but Allah. You won’t know what you don’t know unless you put yourself out there. Give your heart and soul to someone. Yeah, you might get hurt, but that’s just life. But you might also be rewarded with everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”
I stared at him, at his kind brown eyes, and forgot how to breathe because I was too busy processing what he’d said.
I didn’t think I’d ever had Imam Rajab be so open and vulnerable with me. And I didn’t think I had ever been so vulnerable with him.
“So… you think I should give Cole a chance. Like, a real chance?”
The imam smiled.
“I think you’ll be kicking yourself in the behind if you don’t. It’s better to try and fail than to never have tried at all.”
And with those words, he patted my hands, and I thanked him, then he walked away, leaving me with twice the sense of peace I’d felt after the prayer.
Peace and determination.
Maybe Cole was my one. Maybe he wasn’t. I wouldn’t find out unless I put myself out there and risked my heart, and my confidence, getting broken.
