No, I didn't.
I meant it because I had to mean it. Because if I didn't mean it, then I chose pain for no reason. I chose something temporary - something that was not going anywhere on purpose.
My thumb hovers over send.
My mind flashes with his face in the library - the way he looked at me for a long time. I almost thought he was going to say something.
And then he just agreed. Walked away.
And I don't know if he agreed because he respects the boundary I laid out. Of if it was just easy for him to let go.
He didn't push.
He didn't say, Ivy, don't.
He just... accepted.
The cursor blinks.
I delete the whole thing.
I lock my phone so hard the screen goes dark with a snap, and I throw it onto my pillow like it burned me.
My heart is hammering like I just ran up a flight of stairs.
I'm the one who said stop.
I'm the one who asked for space.
So why do I feel like this?
Voices drift up to me from downstairs and I freeze.
My stomach hollows out and drops.
I lie still and listen harder, like I can will one voice into existence.
Deep. Calm. Familiar.
Asher.
I don't hear him.
I hear Justin, though. I'd know his laugh anywhere - too loud, too easy, like nothing ever really gets under his skin even when it does. I hear Mason's voice, and someone I don't immediately place, and Leon telling someone to shut up in that way he does when he's pretending he isn't happy to have them here.
I swing my legs out of bed and sit there, staring at my closed door.
Asher's probably down there with them.
I should stay up here.
I should avoid it.
I should avoid them.
Should avoid him.
My stupid brain repeats the last one like it's a guarantee.
