I step back into it like nothing happened.
Like I didn't swing.
Like I didn't almost say stay.
Like I didn't lose her.
Chapter 29
Tip twenty-nine; send naughty messages, tease and entice them.
Ivy
Iwake up, my hand already reaching for my phone before I have time to think it through.
And that sick, automatic feeling flares - the one that makes itself known before I can kill it - hope.
And then the way it dies the second my screen comes into focus.
No new messages.
I don't know what I expected. For him to message me? To fight for me?
My throat tightens anyway, like my body didn't get the memo that I'm the one who did this. That I'm the one who said the words to shut it down. That I'm the one who watched him accept them.
If that's what you want.
He said it like it took him no effort, like it didn't matter either way if we stopped whatever it was we were alluding ourselves into doing or we continued. Like it was easy for him to throw everything away.
The weight of everything presses down on me, making it hard to breathe. I stare at my ceiling like it has the answers I want.
Do I speak to him? Do I leave him alone?
I swipe through my notifications even though I know there's nothing there. Habit. Self-torture. Whatever you want to call it. My thumb hovers over his name without me meaning it to.
Asher.
It looks wrong in my contacts, like something that shouldn't exist. Like a secret sitting in plain sight.
I tap it anyway.
The blank message screen opens, bright and empty. A cursor blinks at me, patient and stupidly optimistic.
I type.
Can we talk?
I stare at the words. The cursor keeps blinking like it's waiting for me to be brave.
Then I add:
I didn't mean it.
My stomach twists so hard I almost sit up. My chest feels too tight, like I can't get a full breath without it catching on something sharp.
I didn't mean it.
Yes, I did.
