“Can I ask you something?”I said.
“Sure.”
“Your brother in Munich.He knows where you are?”
Puck swung his head to give me a skeptical look.“What?No.”
“But you didn’t just not show up.He knows you’re safe?”
“Oh.Shit, yes.Of course.”Puck laughed softly and it was a relief to hear.“Except he thinks I’m at some kind of yoga retreat.”
“When I told my buddy I was leaving for a few weeks, that’s what he thought too.”
Puck’s eyes went wide.“Did you tell him where you werereallygoing?”
“I did.He was jealous.”
Puck chuckled.“Yeah, well.I signed up for this gig and then forgot all about it.The BCR just happened to email me with an available spot shortly after the accident, when I’d already promised my brother I’d visithim.My family could tell things were getting to me.But then, this place and this experience, seemed like the best way to forget everything.At least for a little while.”
“Is it working?”
“Kind of?”He laughed bitterly.“No.Not really.”
I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“When I’m in the paddock or the arena with Kamal,” he said, shaking his head.“I love every minute of it.”
“Really?It doesn’t seem like you—”
“But I feel guilty every minute that I’m loving it.”
“Ah.”
“BecauseIget to play sexy ponyboy for my superhot trainer slash Dom, who, by the way, is much more attractive than I’d anticipated.And Elijah gets to lie in his hospital bed,” he cleared his throat, voice thick with emotion.“Gets to lie there and contemplate never being able to walk again.”
It all made sense now.This explained why Puck fought Kamal so relentlessly in the paddock.How must it feel to trot around at the whim of his sexy and dominant master, trying to be the most graceful, gorgeous ponyboy, when his best friend might never have use of his legs again?
“Aw, Puck,” I said, taking his chin in my hand and kissing him with all the tenderness I could give him, then pulling back.“You’ve been through a lot.”
He shook his head.“Nothing I’ve had to go through compares to what Elijah’s going through right now.And I’m not there to, like, help him or talk to him because I can’t fucking bear it.”
“It’s okay to take a break and get away for a bit.”
“Elijah can’t take a break.I mean, his family’s there, and they’re wonderful.I can’t even think about how hard this is forthem.”
“You aren’t Elijah.Thank God you aren’t Elijah.Thank whatever you want—the universe, fate—but instead of feeling guilty for enjoying your life, feel grateful, maybe?”
“Easy to say.”
“Yeah.You could talk to Adam.”
Puck stared at me.“You think I need therapy?”
“Puck,” I said.“Anyone who’s gone through what you did could use some counselling.It’s not a four-letter word.”
“Have you ever?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
