He looked infinitely tired.
I offered him a thin grin and his eyes slowly fell to my mouth. I grabbed a towel, shutting off the water, and handed it to him. He wrapped it around his waist, holding it loosely as he accepted my help getting back to the bed. He zigzagged, stumbling right and left, and I groaned when he half-collapsed on me before he finally fell to the bed. A ragged exhale left him, one arm hooking beneath the pillow and his other still clutching his towel closed. He watched me with hooded eyesand a crooked smile, my heart fluttering at the sight. Then he lifted the hand from his towel and signed,Hey.
I snorted.Hey. I nodded toward the cigarette I put out.You almost set this place on fire. That’s my job.
His eyes watched my hands, and a faint flush tinted his cheeks. His throat worked, emotion shining in his eyes.
What? What’s wrong?I signed, stepping closer to the bed, worry pinching my brow.
He shook his head.Nothing. His hands trembled.It’s just—this is the first time we’ve ever actually been able to talk to one another.
Oh. We used ASL daily for mission intel. Thorne and Kane often chatted with Rafe, but with me ignoring him since my…surgery…and then the incident…I’m sorry, I said, rubbing my closed fist against my chest.I’m so sorry. I was just trying to heal. I didn’t mean to hurt you in the process.
He sat up and caught my hands between his, stopping me, his eyes hard.You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing.Then he tucked my hair behind my ear and pulled back, giving me space.Thank you for cleaning me up, but it’s late. You should get some rest.
Okay.I stood with a nod, taking small steps to the door. Then I stopped, my stomach tightening, and gestured to the bed.Maybe I could sleep here?
The walls he had up melted, his lips curving with a relieved grin.You’re always welcome in my bed, beautiful. You don’t need to ask.
Beautiful. He'd called mebeautiful.
My mouth dried, my arms tucking around my stomach protectively. Summoning my courage, I moved back to the bed, slipping under the covers next to him. I kept my distance, not wanting to push myself too far, and Rafe acknowledged that, keeping to his side. We laid facing each other, just like we used to on his cot. He brought his hands up, keeping the lamp on so we could talk. I had to admit itwasnice to have that with him. I realized that, for the first time, all the questions I always wanted answers to, I could finally get.
Goodnight, he started to sign, but I lifted my hands.
Wait, I said.Can we talk for a second?
He settled into his pillow.Of course.
I wet my lips. There was so much I wanted to ask, but suddenly all the questions vanished. Frustration flaredthrough me, my lips pressing. “Um,” I said aloud. Then I signed,What’s your favorite color?
Rafe cocked a brow, my cheeks flushing, but he answered with little hesitation.Grey.
Huh. I hadn’t been expecting that.I don’t think anyone’s ever told me grey was their favorite color before, I said.
His eyes flicked up from my hands and over my face for a brief second.I don’t mind white either.
White?I frowned.Those are weird colors, Rafe.
No, he said, looking a little offended.They’re perfect.
Most people just say blue or red, I pointed out.Maybe green.
Most people being Kane and Thorne?he asked.
I rolled my eyes.And Leah.
At the mention of her, my heart sank, my playful smile slipping away.
Rafe lifted a hand to comfort me but thought better of it, signing quickly,I’m sorry you saw her like that. She didn’t deserve that death, and you didn’t deserve to witness it.
I looked away, tears brimming. I didn’t know how it was possible I had any left.I thought I’d get her out.Ishook my head, squeezing my eyes shut.I thought one year with Halden would make me valuable enough that I could negotiate for Leah to join us. It was naive of me to think that, and as angry as I am that she died tonight, I’m glad she never saw the inside of that compound.
I glanced over, finding Rafe watching me intently. I huffed.
You should sleep, I told him.You drank a lot.
Rafe gave me a sheepish look.I threw up most of it about an hour before I passed out. Not my best idea to drink so much after a year without it, but I actually feel fine now. Kind of hungover, but fine.
