“Oh, really?” Kane asked, and I immediately started to backpedal.
“Brother secrets, I mean,” I stammered. “No whispering about me behind my back.”
Thorne swam to the edge of the pool, lifting himself out and settling on the edge. He leaned forward on his knees. “Arden, he tried. He did everything he could to save you and save your baby, to not have to—”
“Don’t,” I growled, cutting him off. I straightened and swam to the opposite end. “I think maybe it’s time I go back to bed. We don’t know what this Buyer has planned. We botched our last job. It doesn’t make sense that we're suddenly being treated to a penthouse.”
“While I agree,” Kane admitted, climbing the steps in the shallow end and shaking out his hair, “you’re also deflecting.”
“We have to talk about this, Arden. Maybe not the specifics, but at the very least the fact you won't even look at him,” Thorne pushed, standing from the edge as I wrung out my hair with a scowl. “Creed don’t attack each other. That was your rule back when Rafe didn’t know ASL. It still applies.”
I pressed my hands on my hips and sucked in a breath. “I’m not attacking him.”
“Maybe not physically or verbally, but ignoring him may be worse than both, and you know it. He would die for you in a heartbeat,” Kane said.
I rubbed my brow. “Look, I know you two mean well, but this is complicated. Being near Rafe just reminds me of what I can’t have and what I lost when I tried to have it anyway. It’s painful. I physically lock down when he tries to interact with me, and that’s not good for us. I’ll get us killed if I don’t perform.”
They followed me as I walked back to my room, going straight for the fluffy robe hanging on the bathroom door. I threw it on, turning back to find them crowdingthe balcony door, arms folded and their green eyes steady. Damn them. They couldn’t be more different, but it was moments like that one where it showed they were related. They could be stubborn as mules sometimes.
I tied the robe and leaned against the end of the bed. “You guys, please. Today has been a lot.”
“You realize he blames himself,” Thorne said, his voice low.
I frowned. “For what?”
“Everything, Arden,” he continued. “Every time you were sent to Room 82 because he didn’t understand a sign. When you got pregnant, it didn’t matter if it was his or not, because he felt he was the reason. Halden taking that form you? Then when we were all forced to—" He cut himself off, looking sick. He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Rafe can’t forgive himself, and yeah, it’s not his fault. It’s not yours, either. It was just a shit situation and really horrible fucking timing, but it doesn’t matter. There’s a reason he hasn’t pushed back too hard about you punishing him; he thinks he deserves it.”
“I’m not punishing him, or I wasn’t trying to,” I whispered hoarsely, but my heart had slowly sunk further with each of his words. He was right. I’d been so blind to it, but now that Thorne had said it aloud, I realized every single word was true. And those first days after? Rafe had tried to talk to me. He finally had the ability totalkand I wouldn’t listen. I covered my mouth. “Fuck,” I said. “Fuck. Why didn’t either of you tell me this sooner?”
Kane’s expression hardened. “You wouldn’t let us.”
I looked to the door. “I have to—”
“Yeah. You do,” Thorne said. “Go.”
?Arden?
I stood outside Rafe’s door for at least ten minutes. I brought my hand up to turn the knob several times only to drop it in defeat. I was at war with myself. I couldn’t decide if it was better for me to walk in, kiss him, and just be done with the pain of the past, or if doing so wasn’t going to allow us to actually work through what happened. Then, there was the third thing—I wasn’t ready to talk about it. Any of it. I seriously doubted I’d be able to have an actual conversation about the compound with anyone ever, especially Rafe.
But I hated more that Rafe was blaming himself for something he had no control over.
I opened the door.
Rafe was asleep. That part wasn’t surprising. It was more so the way he’d fallen asleep. Beer bottles litteredthe floor—the culprit of his raid being a mini fridge in the far corner, its door left open and the shelves seemingly empty. Rafe had drunken every ounce of liquor the bedroom provided. It also appeared he’d smoked half a pack of cigarettes, one still half lit and dangling between his fingers where he laid half-on, half-off the bed. He was stripped down to his boxers, his head lolled to the side and his forehead shining with a sheen of sweat.
I swayed slightly. I knew I was one of the few to see Rafe vulnerable, but seeing him like that did something to me. He didn't just look vulnerable. He looked..normal and young. A college kid that went on a bender and ended the night without a care in the world. A small smile touched my lips, and I tightened the tie on my robe, slipping inside. I gently plucked the cigarette from his hand before he could set the place on fire. Then I took a long drag from it, my shoulders relaxing, and put it out in the ashtray on the bedside table. Once I did, I began picking up the empty bottles, gathering them in my arms and leaving for the kitchen. I didn’t bother being quiet, knowing he couldn’t hear me. The glass clattered as I dropped the bottles into the recycle bin inthe kitchen, drawing Kane’s attention. He popped his head out of his room with a concerned look.
“Drank himself to sleep,” I told him with a shrug.
He muttered something about Rafe being a dick for not sharing and slammed his door shut.
“G’night to you too, Kane,” I called, shaking my head and treading back to Rafe’s room.
I stared at him, slowly getting myself accustomed to looking at him again. Somehow, even with vomit on his shoulder, Rafe Creed remained one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen. It was actually kind of infuriating. I sighed and went into his attached bathroom, turning on the shower, before kneeling to his eye level. Gently, I pressed my hand to his cheek, running my thumb just under his eye. He didn’t budge, so I carefully slipped his arm over my shoulders. With a grunt, I dragged him toward the bathroom. He woke up, but being as drunk as he was, he stumbled, nearly causing me to fall. Realizing it was me, he tried to step away, but I shook my head and pointed to the running shower.
I helped him out of his boxers, my breath catching in my throat when I found him hard. Seeing each othernaked under light wasn’t new. One, if not all of us, was forced naked at the compound at least once a day. Itwasnew to see him hard like that. Any time we’d been close, it was pitch black in the cell. Even the nights we shared together, I couldn't really see how I affected him.
Heat filled my cheeks, and I cleared my throat, helping him step into the shower before turning my head to give him privacy. He kept hold of my shoulder, trying not to fall over, but he managed to rinse the vomit off. For awhile, his hand clutching me, I think he just stood there. I glanced over, finding his head bowed, the water cascading around his face like a veil. I tugged on him gently, and he lifted his gaze to mine.
