Ralph sat her on a chest near the bow of the boat, bundled a few more blankets around her, and gave her a comforting squeeze of the hand. “It’s good to have you back, Lady Elyne. Lady Mathilda will be relieved.” A strange look crossed his face. “Allyour brothers and sisters will be relieved.”
He was kind, she realized. She’d known it before, but her odd discomfort around him had always gotten in the way. Guilt welled up inside her. She needed to tell him the truth. “My lord, there is something …” Her cheeks fired. “Something I must tell you.”
“There is no need,” he said firmly. She started to protest, but he stopped her. “You aren’t to blame for anything that has happened. Randolph told me that you had become … er, close with the man who took you.”
She couldn’t believe it. He knew—or at least suspected—and didn’t care. His understanding only made it worse. She couldn’t let him think that she’d been forced. “I was not unwilling, my lord,” she said in a whisper.
He gave her a long look—more pensive than accusing. “Whatever happened is in the past. You are safe now; that is all that matters.”
He was going to make it easy on her. Easier than even she’d expected. Easier than she deserved.
“Rest,” he said. “We can talk later.” He paused, a frown settling over his strong, handsome features. “I’m afraid your father will have many questions for you. King Edward is most anxious to catch this rebel sea captain they call the Hawk. He’s convinced Bruce is planning something.”
Her blood chilled, but she forced her expression to remain impassive. “I’m afraid I won’t be much help.” None, in fact.
He held her gaze, perhaps understanding too much, and then gave her a swift smile. “Be that as it may, you should be prepared.”
She nodded, appreciating the warning. She recalled that Ralph and Bruce once had been close friends. Was he more sympathetic to Robert than she realized?
He returned to his men, leaving her to the cruel solitude of her thoughts. Her parting from Erik had been so swift and unexpected that she hadn’t had time to think. But now, with every minute that took her farther away from him, the cold realization settled in. As the magnitude of what she’d lost hit her, Ellie was filled with an overwhelming sense of despair. The future seemed bleak and lonely. It seemed impossible to believe that she would never see him again. That the freedom and happiness she’d known were at an end.
How was she going to go back to her life as if nothing had happened? How was she going to do her duty and marry Ralph when she loved another man?
She didn’t want to believe that it could be over so suddenly, and she found herself glancing over her shoulder more than once. She knew he wouldn’t come after her. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t. But the foolish part of her that didn’t want to accept the truth wouldn’t listen to reason.
If only it didn’t have to hurt so much.
What had she expected? Hadn’t she known that this was the only way it could end?
She’d convinced herself that he cared for her. That she was different. That a future between them might be possible. But he’d never professed to love her or want anything more than the pleasure he’d offered. She’d given him a chance by confessing her feelings, but he hadn’t taken it.
The only thing tempering her heartbreak was that soon she would see her family. With favorable winds, the galley made short work of the crossing that only hours earlier had very nearly killed them. It wasn’t long before the sandy shores and verdant hillsides of the Ayrshire coast came into view.
She stiffened when she saw Thomas—Sir Thomas—approach. He sat down beside her; she pretended not to notice.
“He swam to Fair Head, didn’t he?” His voice was low so as to not be overheard by the soldiers nearby.
Her pulse jumped, but she held her expression perfectly still, keeping her gaze fixed on the shoreline. “If you are speaking of the captain, I told you what happened.”
“I didn’t tell them anything, Ellie—Lady Elyne—I swear.”
She gave him a sharp glance. “Except where to find us.”
Heat crept up his cheeks, but he thrust up his chest. “The way Hawk treated you was wrong. When I discovered who you were, I couldn’t let it continue.”
Ellie couldn’t believe it. Hawk’s entire mission could have failed because Randolph’s knightly sensibilities had been offended. She looked around to make sure no one was listening to them and whispered, “So you decided to set the English on us instead? Don’t you know what is at stake? Or do you no longer care?”
His flush grew hotter. “I know what’s at stake, although I haven’t been privy to the details. For once I’m glad my uncle did not fully take me into his confidence. I’ve said no more than was necessary to find you. As for Hawk, he always manages to land on his feet, or haven’t you figured that out yet?”
He seemed desperate for her to believe him, as if her opinion mattered, but he could not be absolved so easily. Erik had avoided capture, but just barely. Whether he’d succeeded, however, neither of them would know for some time.
“And yet you still switched sides?” she pointed out.
He met her accusatory stare unflinchingly. “I had no choice.” When she didn’t respond, he added, “Would you have rather we’d all been killed?”
Her gaze shot to his. “Of course not.”
“Well, that’s what would have happened had I not surrendered.” Much to Domnall’s anger, she imagined. But she could not blame Thomas for doing what he could to save their lives. It was what she would have done, even if Erik wouldn’t.
