She sucked in her breath sharply. The answer obvious. She should have known. “Let me guess. Brandon made you promise to watch over me if anything ever happened to him.”
•••
John had finally recovered enough from the shock of the “L” word to realize that this conversation was in a nosedive, and if he didn’t do something to pull himself out of it soon, it was heading for a death spiral.
“No... well... yes. But that isn’t why—”
She stopped him. “Forget it. You don’t need to explain. I get it.”
Clearly she didn’t. But how could he explain? He was here for Brand, but he was also here for himself. He reached for her, cupping the side of her face with his hand and forcing her to look at him. The pad of his thumb slid over her bottom lip in a tender caress. “I care about you, Brit. And I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t make any more promises than that.”
She pulled away. “Then don’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t hurt me any more. I’m not in any danger. You kept your promise to my brother. You don’t need to stay here anymore. Leave before it gets worse.”
Wait. That wasn’t what he wanted.
She read his hesitation but misinterpreted it. “If you are worried about keeping me quiet, don’t be. You win. Consider the article buried.”
Now, thatreallyjellied him. “What?”
“I won’t publish another Lost Platoon article. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
That was exactly what he wanted. So why did he feel like shit? Why did he feel as if he’d just asked her to cut out her heart and hand it to him on a plate? Why did he feel as if he should never have asked it of her?
If you loved me...
He felt the walls closing in on him again. As if he were being backed into a corner. But for the first time, he didn’t feel like running.
He knew that if he ran now, there would be no coming back.
But Brittany had other ideas. She wasn’t trying to hold on to him; she was trying to force him out the door. Literally. She crossed the room and opened the door. “Go now, John. While your conscience is clear. You’ve keptyour promise. But if you stick around, you might not be able to say the same.”
But maybe he would. Maybe he wouldn’t end up hurting her at all. Maybe he would make her promises and keep them.
Was maybe enough?
“Leave before it gets worse.”
He was hurting her. And without the justification of protecting her, he didn’t really have an excuse to stick around any longer.
Had it all been an excuse? Had he overreacted to what he’d seen in Norway? Seen danger that wasn’t there because of who she was?
He didn’t know anymore. And after the war party they’d mobilized tonight, and the risk of discovery that he’d taken, it felt as if his senses had let him down. Not getting emotionally invested was the only way he could do his job.
He needed to do what he always did: put it aside—putheraside—and move on.
Except he didn’t want to.
“Johnny, you’re going to break some poor girl’s heart one day.”He could still hear the sadness in his mom’s voice when some girl in high school was calling him all the time. He knew what she was thinking. That he was like his old man. Even his mom who’d loved him more than anything had seen it.
Without more to offer, was that fair to Brittany?
He knew the answer. With one last look, he walked out of the apartment. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
