And then the door closed, and it was too late to wonder if he’d made a mistake.
Twenty-five
It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. He wasn’t supposed to leave.
But you asked him to. You practically pushed him out the door. You played the noble card and he took it. Why are you surprised?
For all his ladies’ man reputation, Brittany knew John Donovan was an inherently decent guy. When faced with a choice between hurting her more or hurting her less, he was going to take the less.
She’d asked him to give her a guarantee when there weren’t any. Love didn’t come with guarantees. It came with hard work and commitment. It came with understanding and patience.
It came with trust.
None of which she’d showed him. Instead, she’d given him an ultimatum: tell me you love me and will never hurt me or go. So he’d gone. What had she expected?
She’d wanted everything wrapped up. But life didn’t come with pretty bows. It came with snags and tears and knots. Sometimes lots of knots that needed to be untangled.
Still, in those first horrible minutes after the door closed she’d tried to convince herself it was for the best. He didn’treallylove her. He couldn’t. Not if he could use her feelings for him to manipulate her into putting aside her story when he knew how important it was to her.
“I’m not asking you to put it aside forever.”
But he shouldn’t have asked her at all... right?
Understanding and patience—wasn’t that what she’d said?
Brittany sat down on the couch, suddenly feeling a little queasy.
She had to stop this. She’d done the right thing. Saved herself a lot of future pain. There were too many uncertainties, too many ways it could go wrong. Their respective jobs for one. His difficulty in dealing with his feelings for another. The fact that he was at the center of one of the biggest military disasters in US history, which could potentially turn into one of its biggest scandals—or a third world war.
What chance did they have? Was she really going to be okay being with someone who lived a life of secrets? Who couldn’t tell her anything? Who might be involved in the kind of secret operations that she was trying to shine lights on?
But maybe she wasn’t asking the right questions. Maybe she should ask herself whether she would be okay with a guy who went to work every day willing to put his life on the line for others, who served his country with distinction, and who was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for his country, his friends, and the people he loved.
Would she be okay with a guy who wanted to protect her, who would do anything to keep her safe, who didn’t want to hurt her? Who could make her laugh even in the darkest of times? Who listened and understood? Who was as strong and sexy as he was gentle and considerate?Who both respected her and disrespected her at exactly the right times—the latter when they were naked?
Yeah, she’d be okay with that guy. She’d be more than okay. She’d be lucky and proud.
Now it was too late to tell him that.
It’s for the best.But no matter how many times she said that, it didn’t feel like the best. It felt miserable. It felt lonely. It felt as if she’d just lost the only man she’d ever love.
And if a broken heart wasn’t enough, when Brittany’s life went to hell, itreallywent to hell. In the space of one wretched evening she had no John, no story, two coworkers who wanted to be rid of her—one so badly she’d hired a PI to investigate her—and probably no job.
Saving her job.Thatwas what she had to think about. Brittany wiped the tears away. Not whether she’d done the right thing. Not whether she should have given him a chance.
Not whether she’d made a mistake.
It was too late for second thoughts. John was long gone, and she knew she would never find him again. Not unless he wanted to be found.
But it wasn’t too late to save the only thing she had left.
Five years ago, when she’d thought her career was over, John had shown her how to open her eyes a little wider. Reminded her not to give up too easily. He’d made her see that what felt like rock bottom might actually have a few feet of water above it.
Brittany walked into the paper the next morning prepared to do battle with a new story idea.
But that few feet of water evaporated quickly.
•••
