My phone rang and I rolled my eyes when I saw it was Shadonna calling. I was trying to warm up to her, but I still didn’t trust her; I just felt sorry for her. She was doing good, still stripping and battling her mental issues. I signed her up for counseling, and she went faithfully. Some nights, I even kept her kids while she stripped. During the day, she would work at my shop. Just because she was out here in Cali didn’t mean I was going to carry her. She made her own set of friends. The only reason I kept her kids some nights was because I knew her trifling ass would possibly leave them at home by themselves.
Most women wouldn’t be able to do what I did and that was keep some kids that was created by my first love, but I honestly was over that. It took a village to raise kids. Shadonna’s kids didn’t have a dad anymore and I couldn’t help but to feel bad even though it shouldn’t have been a concern of mine. I felt like the kids needed as much love as they could get. Shadonna and I were messed up. Shadonna was worse than me, mentally. My mom might have talked shit to me, but she never sold my body to other men when I was a kid.
Shadonna’s mom had crossed certain lines with her child that she probably would never come back from. She really didn’t care; that’s what made it even worse. Shadonna never knew and was never taught how to treat, love or respect somebody, so I couldn’t fault her much. I had to accept the fact that she was a messed-up individual. I chose to be there for her still but love her from a distance.
“Hey girl, I was wondering if you would come out to the club tonight to see my special set?” she asked in a chipper voice.
Every time I answered the phone for her, she got happy. It was like it was still all too good to be true to her. She apologized so many times; I told her to never apologize again because I didn’t want to hear it.
“Who’s watching the kids?” was my first concern.
“Remember, I told you I found a twenty-four-hour day care… come on now, Layloni. I told you I would never leave them at home by themselves no more.” She whined into the phone.
“I can’t come out tonight, not feeling too well.” I kept it short and simple; my days of explaining myself was over.
“You need to tell that man you pregnant,” She giggled lightly, and I stalled. “Yes, I know your ass pregnant… when I first seen you at Prince estate, you kept peeing on yourself every hour or thirty minutes… kept throwing up and shit. Hell, I got three kids bitch… I can just feel when a mutha fucca pregnant.”
I listened to her ramble on and on about my pregnancy. She changed the subject, then facetimed me to show off her nice outfits that she had lined up for the night. I couldn’t knock Shadonna. Her body was banging, and she honestly loved what she did. After getting off the phone with her, I decided to have a cup of Tea. I had a strong urge to call Rellianah; instead, I called Monty and asked for him to come over.
I didn’t even know why I asked his scary ass to come over or why I reached out to him. I just needed someone to make me feel like myself and normal. Monty was a good friend to me; he was different and good hearted, like myself. He wasn’t a killer, and that’s the normal shit I needed around me. I was going to face a lot being pregnant with King’s baby. Millions of questions ran through my mind. How would he react? What would he think of this? I prayed like hell he wouldn’t ask me to get rid of my baby.If he did ask me some bullshit like that, I would get rid of his ass and never speak to him again.
It took Monty about an hour to get to my new home. By then, I moved boxes around that I hadn’t had the chance to get to yet. My eye was healed, yet I still had purple and red marks under it and a small scar at the top of my forehead. I put makeup on, not much but enough to cover whatever face scars and markings I had.
I didn’t want to explain to Monty what I had endured. I also didn’t want for him to judge me; I still needed to pay for my mother to be cremated. I planned on keeping her ashes in my home. Although I was in a bad mood, I enjoyed being in a new space. I had a spacious three-bedroom house with a huge backyard. Tomorrow when I left my shop, I planned on decorating and really making my home cozy.
I also made a mental note to set a doctor’s appointment to see how far along I was so I could start making the best of this pregnancy. I already went through a miscarriage with Glen and didn’t want a repeat of that. I felt like this was my second shot at motherhood. I refused to spend my pregnancy miserable or caught up in bullshit.
Monty walked in looking handsome, smelling good with that million-dollar smile of his. He embraced me tight, and I held on to him as we finally took a seat on my couch. We remained silent for a while just staring at one another until he finally spoke.
“Layloni, I apologize for that night. I just up and left… I didn’t want to be fighting over a woman that wasn’t mine… The way he snatched you up and led you away spoke volumes, you got to understand, I’m not a confrontational man.”
He rubbed his hands down his deep waves then stroked his beard as his light brown eyes looked at me intently. I knew he was sincere because while he had the hood nigga looks, he was really a square. I didn’t feel like debating or telling him how unsafe I felt with him from that night. He wouldn’t be able to protect me or him. He admitted in so many words that King had him scared. King was very intimidating. That still was no excuse for Monty to just up and leave and not wait around to see if I was okay or to at least ask questions for King snatching me up that night and practically dragging me with him to the bathroom to fuck me into submission. That was King’s love language. I shifted on the couch as I stared at Monty long and hard before I finally spoke.
“I didn’t call you here to explain yourself… I called you here cause you have been nothing but a good friend to me and I need some kind of support from all the crazy shit I have been through,” I paused from talking.
I kept my tears at bay. All of my emotions were daring to spill over. I could no longer hold it back when I visualized the look on my mother’s face before Prince blew her top off. I started feeling disgusted at the pleasure I received from the same man that killed my mother. He was also the same man that killed King’s father. I was slowly beginning to understand King and the way he handled me when he stood over Prince and watched him pleasure me. When it was all said and done, I knew deep down I needed to seek counseling.
“Layloni, you okay?” Monty’s deep voice cut through my conflicted thoughts.
He sat close to me, tucking me on the side of him, I laid my head on his chest and let the tears flow freely. Every couple of seconds, he would wipe a tear or two as we sat silently.
“At first, I liked you a lot, Monty. Now, I just really want you to remain my friend… you have a good heart like I do. I don’tthink I have ever experienced or been around someone that was exactly like me… I don’t want you to show me sympathy because it would make me even weaker… Right now, I desperately want to be strong.” I sniffled as I tried my best to look up at him. When I did, the concern in his eyes comforted me enough. He was sincere and he was indeed worried for me.
“Tell me what happened?” he said lowly.
He stroked my hair softly as he waited quietly for me to deliberate. I knew he couldn’t fix my problems, but I needed to get a little off my chest. I didn’t care if he judged me or decided to walk out and never talk to me again. I needed to release the bricks that was sitting on my chest.
“My mom was killed and I’m pregnant by a man I don’t see myself being with. He saved me multiple times, and he has been through a lot like myself. He just has a dark side that I’m scared about.” I admitted.
“I think we all have dark sides, it’s just how you handle it. No one is perfect… hell, I ain’t perfect but I try to be close to it. I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, Layloni. You have to give yourself some grace. People like to say give it time and things will be fixed eventually but that shit not true. Time teaches you how to carry the loss. Some days you’ll wake up and feel normal… and other days that won’t be the case. Don’t rush yourself through grief cause it’s not a race.” He uttered the words so sincerely, I felt them in my chest.
Monty hugged me tight and kissed me on my forehead, we continued to talk about my situation with King. He promised to be there for me, no matter what. His words were comforting, and I was happy I even called him over. This was just what I needed, and I silently thanked him over and over in my head.
“You know you got to tell him, right?” he asked, as I sat up next to him and leaned my head back on the couch to ease the slight headache I had coming on.
“I know that. I guess I’m just a little scared thinking about his reaction.”
Nodding his head in understanding, he gave me a small smile.
