Gemma frowned. ‘What do you mean? The hardest part is over. You’ve told everyone what’s going on, and everyone’s working together to try to solve it. If we can’t, then at least we know we’ve tried.’
‘I don’t mean the school and filling the deficit, I mean this...’ He saved his hand between them. ‘Us.’
‘Oh.’ Placing her notebook on her knees, she gripped its edges tightly. What was he asking of her? ‘You want me to walk away from my job?’
Jonathan blinked and shook his head vehemently. ‘What? No! Nothing of the sort!’
‘Then what?’ She smoothed the edges of the folded paperwork sitting on top of her notebook. ‘I’ve been trying to keep out of your way. You have mine too. I’ve noticed that. What else can we do but avoid each other?’
‘That’s just it, Gemma. I don’t think I can avoid you any longer. I don’t think I can lie to myself anymore.’
She snapped her head up and watched him drag the palm of his hand over his face. Was he saying what she thought he was? But it wouldn’t work, couldn’t work. It couldn’t. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying I want more. I’m saying I want to see where this... us... leads. I don’t want to have to creep around each other pretending we both don’t feel that same spark, that same connection.’ He swallowed. ‘You do feel that, don’t you?’
She nodded and reached her hand out towards him as he did the same. She watched as he enveloped her hand in his, their fingers interlocking. She felt the warmth from his skin transferring to her, filling her chest. ‘I do. I really do.’
‘Then why don’t we just see where it leads?’ He reached for her other hand, too.
Staring at their hands, gripping one another in the small space between their chairs, Gemma wanted to tell him she agreed. She wanted to launch herself at him, feel his arms wrap around her, feel his lips brush against hers. But it couldn’t work, not now. She met his gaze. ‘What about the school? What if we can’t find the money? What if you have to make people redundant? We can’t take that risk.’
For what felt like minutes but was likely only seconds, Jonathan looked down, staring at their clasped hands. ‘You’re right. I know you are.’
As hard as it was, she nodded. ‘It would mean your job would be on the line if redundancies were inevitable. I’d lose credibility, but I’d find another job. You, though, might not be able to as a headteacher. I can’t stand by and let that happen.’
‘But...’
Setting her jaw, she shook her head. ‘You know I’m right.’
Gently, he let go of her hands, stood up and leaned down again, placing his lips against her forehead.
Gemma closed her eyes and relished the moment, the feeling of his lips on her skin, the feeling of his warmth close to her. It was taking every ounce of self-control she had not to jump up and wrap her arms around him, have him hold her, to kiss him back.
And then he was gone. The cool air of an unheated school hall in spring surrounded her once more, and she was alone in the large room. Swivelling in her chair, she watched the door leading out into the corridor slowly close. It was the right thing to do. It was. It had to be.
Chapter Twenty-One
Teetering on the stool she was using to reach the top shelf of the Year Four stock cupboard, Gemma dragged a pile of geography books towards her, lifted them and held them out to Lydia who was standing on the floor next to the stool/
‘Thanks for helping here, Gemma. I really appreciate it.’ Lydia took the books and placed them in a pile on the table.
‘No worries. I’m glad to help. Annie couldn’t make it today, so we’re going to stay late during the week and take an audit of what stock we have down in our classes. It makes sense that I come and help you and Adam.’ Plus, in truth, Gemma needed the distraction. If she’d gone down to her class, she’d have been alone with her thoughts, as Tania hadn’t made it in either, had to do some last-minute babysitting for her daughter or something. This was a win-win situation. Lydia got some help, and Gemma got the distraction she needed. Not that it was working particularly well. However much she tried to listen properly to Lydia talking about the upcoming family wedding she was going to next week, all Gemma could picture was Jonathan’s face when they’d spoken in the hall, feel his lips on her forehead. She shookher head as she shifted another pile of books towards the edge of the shelf. ‘So, tell me, what’s your outfit like?’
‘Beautiful. Although I may be biased. It’s a pale blue chiffon dress with these little straps which lie just about here.’ Lydia pointed to her shoulders before reaching up for the other books. ‘I’ve chosen to wear a fascinator rather than a hat. All the hats I tried on just looked wonky. Although I think that has more to do with the shape of my head rather than any of the hats themselves.’ Lydia chuckled.
Laughing, Gemma looked down at Lydia. ‘Your head looks normal to me, but a fascinator sounds nice.’
‘Yes, it’s got these little feathers in. Fake, of course, but nice and fluffy if you know what I mean?’
‘I do.’ Standing on her tiptoes, Gemma squinted her eyes. She could see something right at the back of the shelf, in the corner. ‘Oh, did you know you’ve got a few packs of pastels at the back here? Brand new by the looks of them.’
‘No. Oh, we need pastels for our art project next week. I’d put an order form in for them weeks ago, when Diane was still here.’ Lydia paused. ‘I suppose we both now know the reason they were never ordered.
‘Well, you’ve got some now. I’ll see if I can reach them.’ Still on her tiptoes, Gemma stretched her arm towards the stack of pastels.
‘Be careful, won’t you? It’s high up there, and I’m still not happy you’re just balancing on that stool,’ Lydia’s voice was full of concern.
‘I’m fine.’ She twisted around a little and reached out again, but the pastels were still out of her reach. Only by a few millimetres, mind. ‘I’m guessing the colour of your fascinator matches your dress?’
