I don’t care if Zep sees me crying right now. This isn’t about him or us. It’s about Bernie.
“Of course.”
As much as it kills me, I know I need to give her space. I turn around and walk back inside before the sob escapes. She has to forgive me eventually, right?
Chapter Thirty-Five
Zeppelin
Iwait for Misty to get inside her house before asking, “Do you want to sit, Bernie?”
“Can I pet Chunky?”
Nodding, I open the door and follow her inside. The moment she steps foot in the living room, both Chunk and Peanut Butter are on her like catnip. Both love up against her, and I’m not convinced they don’t sense how upset she is.
“She lied to me,” Bernie says after sitting on the couch. She lets Chunk curl up on her lap while Peanut Butter rests along her leg on the cushion. “She lied for my whole life.”
“I know,” I say and sit in the recliner.
“How could she do that?”
I remember what Misty told me when I asked that same question about Mama. “I think she would rather you think your dad was forced to stay away from you for work or whatever than know the truth.”
“Didn’t I deserve to know?”
Okay, this is creepy. It’s like finding out about Butch and Mama was in preparation for this exact moment. “What would it have changed?”
She takes a few moments before she looks up with tears in her blue eyes. “I wouldn’t have missed him or loved him. Did you know she sent me cards from him for my birthday?”
Damn, she’s a good mama. A good woman. “I didn’t.”
“Why would she make me think he missed me? He didn’t want me.”
I remember Misty asking me why Ben didn’t want Bernie the day she was the butt of the joke at the salon. It hurt her to know Bernie was missing out on something even though Ben clearly ain’t shit.
“Because that’s what he should have felt. He should have missed you, Bernie. And I think she hoped one day he would, and you could have the dad she always wanted for you.”
Sniffing, she looks down at Chunk purring away, completely content. Fucking asshat. I can’t touch him, but he purrs like this is normal for Bernie.
“Bernie, look at me.” When she does, I give her a small smile. “Your mama did what she thought was best. I know how it feels to learn you’ve been lied to, but weren’t you happier when you thought your dad missed you as much as you did him?”
Nodding, she sighs. “But I would know Mom wasn’t a liar.”
“I know how you feel.”
“How?”
“You know how I was upset when you went to your sleepover? I found out my mama lied to me for my entire life, too.”
Her eyes widen. “You did?”
“I did. After talking to your mama, I know why Mama lied to me now.”
“What did she lie about?”
Uh… how the fuck do I say this to a little girl? “I know you don’t like when I say it’s complicated, but it is. It’s very grown up, and I don’t think you’re old enough to know about it. I actually hope you never have to know about it.”
“Was it bad?”
