I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Would it make a difference if he wasn’t straight?”
“What?” His face twists in confusion. “It doesn’t matter. He’s straight and unavailable.”
“But if he wasn’t?” I don’t know why I’m pushing this when I should just tell him how I feel about him, that I need this thing with him. But aren’t I doing the same thing? I’m attracted to Zac. He’s bisexualandsingle. The only barrier holding me back from going after my teammate is my father.
“I don’t know. It’s not an option, so why even bother considering it?”
He reaches for me, but I pull away.
“I can’t give you what you need. This is the best I can offer. Nameless, faceless sex once a month. That’s all I’ve got.”
Unable to meet his eyes, I focus on the laboured rise and fall of his chest as he processes my words. When he lifts his hand to cup my jaw, I let him.
He releases a shaky breath and rests his forehead against mine.
“I fucked this up, didn’t I?”
My chest tightens, and I squeeze my eyes closed, blocking out the memories of Nathan saying those same words two years ago. The day before my world blew up in front of my eyes.
I grip the back of his neck and pull his face closer so I can press my lips to his. He lets out a surprised grunt and tries to deepen the kiss, but I pull away, my hand already reaching for the door.
“I’m sorry,” I say as I back out of the room, turning and bolting before he can say anything.
My eyes blur, but I hold it together until I’m outside, the frigid winter air slapping me in the face. I rush away from the club, ripping my mask off when I’m a block away, letting it fall to the footpath. It was stupid to think I could have something with someone.
Ten minutes later, I’m pulling into the car park at Hannah’s dorm. Thankfully, she answers my call on the first ring.
“That was quick. I thought you?—”
“Can I come up?” I choke out, interrupting her.
There’s a pause before I hear a door creak open. “I’ll be right down.”
Locking her car, I make my way across the car park, reaching the front door of the dorm just as she pushes through it. I pull her into my arms and bury my head in the crook of her neck, my shoulders shaking as I break down.
I didn’t even know his name, but he was my last chance at being happy. It might have taken some time, but I want to think I would’ve eventually found a way to stand up to my dad.
This will break me.
I can’t lose anyone else. There’s no point even trying anymore.
Chapter 21
Zac
Ifucked up.
I let Noah get in my head to the point that I fucked up the one good thing I had.
Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Nothing will ever happen with him. He’s in a fucking straight relationship because he’s fuckingstraight. Why can’t I get that through my thick head? I need to stop thinking my stupid attraction will change anything.
The arsehole is ruining my life.
He’s the one guy I willneverhave.
The bathroom door slides open, and a second later, Milly bounces on the end of my bed. For a second, I consider ignoring her, but I’m not that much of an arsehole.
I pry my eyes open, and groan when I see her wide grin.
