They were dead. The word reverberated through me. My family, my mother who gave birth to me, was dead. And that was the exact moment I knew that I’d always had it in the back of my mind that I would meet her someday. A day that would never come now. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You used to have nightmares when they first brought you home. You’d wake up terrified in your bed, screaming in terror most of the time.” Her thumb rubbed the back of my hand in a soothing motion. “Do you remember coming in to sleep with me?”
I shook my head, trying to grasp what she was saying. I didn’t remember any of this.
She glanced down at our joined hands. “You did it a lot at first. I think you felt safer with me for some reason. Maybe because I was another kid? You didn’t speak much English, so you couldn’t understand a lot of what was being said when Mom and Dad would come rushing into your room. I think it just scared you even more.” She looked up at me and shrugged. “It made Mom pretty sad that you wouldn’t let her comfort you.”
“I don’t remember any of that.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Her eyes filled again. “It was horrible, Tyler. Hearing you scream like that.”
“I’m so sorry, Willow.”
But she waved away my apology. “Oh, honey. It’s not your fault. I mean, hell. You were still healing from injuries when we first got you. Mom and Dad had to take you to the doctor all the time.” She paused. “But I’m getting off track.”
I laughed without humor, using the heel of one hand to wipe at the moisture in my eyes. Willow still held the other. “There’s more to this fucking story?”
“Yeah. And before I start, please remember that I was only trying to protect you. That was always my intention, Tyler. I love you so much, and I just wanted it all to go away. I didn’t want you to be scared anymore. I wanted you to be happy.”
Well, I was really fucking scared now. But as I studied my sister’s face, I saw that she truly meant it. So, I tried to keep the tremble from my voice when I asked, “What else, Willow?”
She took a deep breath. “A few months after you came to live with us, you woke me up one night like you did all the time. Only you weren’t scared, Tyler, or even upset. Actually, you were happy.”
“Well, that’s good. Right?” I tried a smile. She didn’t return it. A hollow feeling filled my chest. “Willow?”
She looked right at me then. “You told me your name was Superman.”
I frowned. I didn’t see what she was getting at. “Okay. So what? Kids pretend all the time. And I was like, what? Four? Five?”
“That’s what I thought, too. I thought you were finally starting to play. You would ‘pretend’ to be Superman pretty often. Especially when something upset you or when the dreams got bad. I always passed it off as a kid being a kid. Mom and Dad never seemed concerned about it, either. At least, not in front of me. You were in school, you were picking up English like crazy, and you even played with some of the kids at recess. And eventually, Superman stopped coming around.”
I frowned at her. I still didn’t know where she was going, reliving the past like this. Other than the fact of where I came from. “So, you’re saying you think I have PTSD or something? From when I was a kid?”
“I think it’s more than that, Ty.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not a shrink. So…” I don’t know why I suddenly felt defensive.
Just tell her to go. We don’t need her.
I shook my head. Where the hell had that come from?
“Tyler? You okay?”
I focused on Willow. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you trying to tell me?”
“Tyler, years later, after we’d both moved to Seattle, I stopped over to tell you about my shitty boss at that job I had. Remember that job?”
“I remember.”
“When I came to your apartment, I met Tony.” She waited for my reaction.
I racked my brain, trying to figure out who the hell she was talking about. I didn’t remember knowing anyone named Tony. “I don’t know anyone named Tony. Are you sure you met him here?”
“Tony was you, Ty.Youtold me you were Tony.”
My heart began to pound. “What?”
“He’s a little rough around the edges, quite honestly. I think he’s there to protect you. But, anyway, I was sitting here talking to you—talking to him—when I had an idea. I asked him if he knew Superman.”
