Shoving my chair back, I stood up fast. “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not five anymore. I don’t play games like that.”
She went on as if I hadn’t interrupted her, a determined set to her jaw and worry in her eyes. “He said he did, but that Superman didn’t like to leave anymore. He just stayed in and played.” She paused. “Tony’s a little bit scary, but he seemed okay with me being here. He’s a boxer and spends a lot of time at the gym. He also loves nothing more than watchingMashreruns.” She grinned, even though her voice was thick with tears. “Where do you think you get all those muscles from?”
No. This was a bunch of bullshit. Why the fuck was she telling me this shit? I started pacing around my small kitchen. “If that’s true, why don’t I ever find gym clothes lying around?”
“I don’t know. I guess you—he—changes at the gym before you come home.”
“Stop saying that, Willow. He’s not a real person.” But there wassomething…something inside…that felt seen. It was all starting to click. I stopped on the other side of the table and gripped the back of a chair. I felt ridiculous even asking this question. “Does Tony like to drink, by chance?”
She gave a little shake of her head. “I don’t know.”
Pushing away from the table, I turned my back to her, trying to process the fuck ton of emotions whipping around inside of me. But the biggest one—thebiggestone—made me stop, close my eyes, and drop my head back on my neck. Because it was fucking relief. “So, I’m like my own version of Jekyll and Hyde.” I laughed out loud. It was an ugly sound. “What the fuck, Willow?” I whispered as the tears returned.
Her arms wrapped around me from behind. “I’m so sorry, Tyler. I should’ve told you. I should’ve made you go to a doctor years ago. But I was scared they would lock you up somewhere. And honestly, Tony wasn’t that bad. Once he decided to like me, we hung out once or twice. I haven’t seen him in a while, but you’ve been kind of unavailable lately.”
“He’s been around,” I muttered. I held her arms tight around me. “So, what? I have multiple personalities or something?”
“I think…maybe.”
“Fuck.” The word was no more than a whisper. What the hell was I supposed to do with this? “Superman and Tony. You’d think I’d pick cooler names.” I’d meant it as a joke, but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh.
“And Miko,” she mumbled into my back. “He’s kind of fun. We went grocery shopping once.” She held on tighter. “Ailee met him, too.”
This time, I did laugh. I laughed until tears ran down my face and I wouldn’t have been able to stay standing if it weren’t for my sister holding me up. I laughed until I cried. Until sobs tore from my chest and we both ended up in some kind of twisted puddle on the floor. Willow refused to let me go even then.
“Tyler, it’s okay. It will be okay. I’m so sorry. I should have told you, but I thought they would go away like Superman did. I thought if I just watched out for you, it would all go away. You would be okay.”
I could barely understand her. She was crying nearly as hard as I was.
We stayed like that—my sister and I—on the floor in my kitchen, for a long, long time. When we could, we got up, got a notebook, and began to write it all down so I could take it to my therapist. Willow wanted to call our parents, but I didn’t want to tell them anything just yet.
Two weeks later, I called Ailee and told her I was back in town.
CHAPTER16
Ailee
Ilooked around at the pile of clothes I’d thrown on the floor of my closet in the last hour. There had to be something there that was suitable for a “first time you’re seeing your boyfriend in two months” date.
Was it a date? I assumed it was a date. But maybe boyfriend was a strong word. Although, the last time I’d seen Tyler was our movie day, and that sure as hell had not felt like a date. Nothing at all like our night at the casino, which had been nothing but hours of foreplay.
I pressed the heels of my hands to my forehead. What if it wasn’t a date? What if this was a “Hey, I’m back but only to pack my stuff because I’m moving home and it was nice knowing ya” kind of thing?
Oh God, I had no idea what to wear for that.
Glancing out the door at the clock on my nightstand, I cursed. Tyler would be here in ten minutes. I took a deep breath. Well, if he was going to break up with me, I was damn well going to be comfortable while I drowned my sorrows in the half gallon of ice cream I’d picked up earlier. Just in case.
Black yoga pants and a long-sleeved, baby-blue thermal shirt, it was. Fuzzy socks completed the outfit. I figured it was my best bet. Yoga pants were both comfy and sexy, so that could go either way. I brushed my hair and left it loose. It was getting long and hung well past my shoulders. I’d put on minimal makeup after my shower. Didn’t want mascara running my cheeks. That was not a good look on me. I knew this from previous experience.
Oh, God. I wasn’t ready for him to break up with me. Dammit.
Dressed and ready, I wandered out to the kitchen to make some tea. The silence in my apartment was deafening, so I set my phone down by my little kitchen speaker and turned on some music.Troubleby Halsey was playing on Spotify, and I almost laughed at how perfectly it suited this exact moment. With a tap on my phone screen, I put it on repeat.
My stomach growled in protest at my spontaneous fasting, but I didn’t think I’d be able to eat. I’d been in knots since Tyler had called the night before, asking if he could come over and see me. I hadn’t even known he was back in town, and he’d just texted me the day before that.
I resisted the urge to rub my tired eyes as I tried to recall if he’d said anything about it, but I was positive he hadn’t. While he was gone, he’d called me about once a week, and texted almost every day, but mostly we’d chatted about a whole lot of nothing. Other than saying he was helping his foster dad out with his business, a business I still knew nothing about, we spent most of our conversations talking about me and what I was doing and who I was shooting that week. I told him about an opportunity that had come up to have my photos in a local magazine, and how my daughter had called to invite me to come see her over the holidays.
For the most part, it had all been very civil and friendly and not at all like the fiery man I’d come to know. Yet, on occasion, he would tell me that he missed me, his voice raw and full of need. And in those moments, I caught glimpses of the Tyler I knew, and the connection between us was still there. Rare, but real.
