It’s a good end to a better day. Then they prove to me they’ll always do more… we sleep outside under the stars.
I get tucked into the cushion, the three of them surrounding my pile of pillows and blankets, lying down on the picnic rug. No one talks about this not being safe and how quickly I drop off to sleep is testament to how safe they make me feel.
ChapterTwenty-Six
RAMSES
The days blur together because spending time with her is so easy and enjoyable; it feels so natural. Around Heidi I forget the weight of responsibility I wear. But there’s going to come a day sooner than I want, where we somehow need to figure out how we approach a few pretty huge issues.
But not yet. The mornings are mine. And getting the alone time with her is a highlight. Don’t get me wrong, any time with her is amazing, but being alone with Heidi is something else entirely.
Seeing her sleeping in my bed steals the air from my lungs. Being Alpha of our pack, my life has always been about providing for others, making sure my brothers and people relying on me have what they need. Having Heidi in my bed rates above all that.
There’s something about it. Knowing she’s my scent-matched mate is part of it, a huge part, and knowing she’s so fucking perfect for our pack is the other, but there’s also that side of me that needs the love of a strong woman. It’s been a test of patience, knowing we’ve already started negotiations to pack, I want to sit her down and make her take the next steps to making this permanent.
Being around Heidi feels natural, and I feel like I can breathe again after such a long time. But there’s still a heavy, heavy weight in my gut that we’re deceiving her. Because we are.
How do you start a conversation that desperately has to happen. How do we promise her the world on one hand, knowing we can’t deliver. We’re meant to protect and care, always be there for her in any situation. As her Alphas and her pack, we should be ready to stand proudly by her side whenever she needs support, in front of her when she needs protecting and behind her when she falls.
But we can’t. First, we have the issue of being triplets. The government would have us locked up forever and a day. And then what? Then we’re completely unable to be there for her. We should never have had contact with her, but that was never going to happen; we’re so drawn to her, we’re so needy for her.
She doesn’t fully understand how important she is, how much power she wields. Some of the time I don’t want to admit it either. Other times, when real life happens around us, I know I have to tell her the truth. We’re not shying away from our obvious connection, just from figuring out how to make it work, because there’s more at stake than just us.
“Stop thinking, come snuggle,” she mumbles. Her voice thick with sleep.
And I have to close my eyes at the way with a few words, she can crawl under my skin so easy.
“I was coming to get you for our morning walk. I’ve got your coffee in the kitchen,” I whisper, still undecided if I should wake her up or if I should change my plans and watch her sleep instead.
She takes away my indecision by lifting the comforter. Even in the low light of the morning, I can see her stretched out nearly naked in my bed. I know she’s been with Kai and Darius every day since she arrived, no one has hidden the fact, they don’t need to. And even though every part of me is desperate for her, we’ve been strangely restrained with each other. Kissing and holding hands, touching, and flirting, her small smiles have been enough.
Not now though.
Her poignant apple scent has steadily been saturating my room, ruining my clarity. This morning, everything about her is even headier. And she’s groggy from sleep, spread out like a buffet.
Like a drug, one hit is all it takes. She promises to steal away the last of my self-imposed control. I climb under the blanket with her, and she comes at me with a hunger I thought only I was experiencing.
Despite having all these issues I know need resolving, they disappear, and I’m left with a reminder of what is at stake. Her.
“Can I?” she asks.
I have no idea what she’s asking, but I agree in an instant. “Of course.”
I think she’s going to pull in for a tighter cuddle, but instead she sits up, her fingers burying in the band of my shorts before she starts trying to drag them down my legs.
“Without these, please,” she whispers.
Careful not to break the moment or wake my brothers or it could be she’s just in such a happy, groggy place. And it’s not in my nature to deny her anything. My butt hovers and I help her undress me without thinking too hard about it. She flings them behind us and then she climbs over the top of me before wiggling back for the snuggle she was asking for earlier.
My body responds and my Alpha side wakes from hibernation. I’m not blaming that side of my personality for being hard as fuck. There is no blame at all. But we’ve always said, physically being with her is going to be easy. Same as emotionally. It’s just everything else.
I need her. No shit, I need her like I need air to breathe.
“What has you so wound up?” Her voice is croaky from sleep. Her eyes keep blinking as she wakes up. She throws her leg over mine, her fingers again interlinking with mine.
“You,” I answer, pulling her tighter somehow.
She hums, rubbing her face over my chest, surprising me in a sense, it feels so intimate. Because it is.
