I face the window again, and this time I slide my hands under my ass to make it harder to reach for her.
“The drug they gave me wasn’t what they said it was. I know that now. The medication was one thing, but they also coupled it with a treatment they suggested involving them bringing me what they called an alpha physical aid. I had no clue at the time, I remember that. I was racking my brain to figure out what they meant.”
“What did they do?” she hisses.
Dropping my forehead to my knees, I feel so nauseous in my stomach. “Not them. Me, Raney. I did it.”
She tsks before clarifying. “What did you do then, Hayes?”
I squeeze my eyes shut before I open them again, turning to look at her beautiful jade eyes. “I raped a woman. For days. No one could get in the room, and I nearly killed her. I don’t remember a single second of it until I woke up and I was naked, covered in blood, and wrapped around her nearly broken body.”
“You did not!” She gasps before she all but launches at me. And Jesus she is strong. She ends up on my lap, a fire in her eyes as she fights to pull my hands out to hold on to.
Shaking my head, I try to push out of her arms. I don’t deserve her sympathy, but fucking hell she’s impossible to break free from.
“I did. I’ve seen parts of the video they have, and I know what I saw. And I have the proof.”
One of her hands lets go of me, and a rush of realisation bottoms out, knowing she’s going to leave me and never look at me again. I steel myself for the moment, already feeling a deep pain in my chest.
Except she doesn’t move, and her expression flashes to something completely unexpected—determination. “Has Talon seen the footage?” She growls at me, as a frustrated and growing anger takes hold in her eyes.
“Do you think I’d let him see me like that?” I ask, and it’s impossible to hide the contempt and disgust from my voice.
“Newsflash, Hayes, I know you would never do that to another living person. She…”
I get it, I do. It’s hard to see evil in a person you know, but I did what I did. My own frustration makes me growl back at her. “Raney! I was fucking there.”
She rolls her eyes and answers with a healthy dose of sarcasm in her tone. “Apparently not, you just said you have no memory of it.”
“It doesn’t matter if I remember or not! I raped another person. I saw her after, Raney, and I completely fucking destroyed her. At first, she couldn’t look at me… She was terrified of me.”
“When did you see her?” she pushes. Her eyes are blazing like stars, her sweet and spicy wisteria scent filling the cabin of the car in her attempt to soothe me.
“All that doesn’t matter.” I push my palms to my eyes.
“Where did you find her?”
“It doesn’t matter!”
“It does, Hayes. Of course, it matters!”
I avert her eyes and stare at something on her shoulder as I confess the last of my sins, “She was pregnant when we met up the second time.”
“Excuse me?” Raney splutters as she moves, so I have no choice but to look at her. Her chin drops in her disbelief.
And then I share with her my biggest secret and the reason for my disappearing act. “I’m a dad, Raney.”
I risk another look, and like I knew would happen, her eyes are full of tears.
“I’m sorry. I’m so selfish, I couldn’t tell you yesterday because it’s my dirty secret and being with you again was something I couldn’t pass up. I needed you. So, like the criminal I am, I stole everything you offered. And now I’m saying goodbye because I can’t risk anything happening to her.”
“What?” she pretty much yells at me.
“She has to come before you, and me. And I have to do everything possible to keep her safe.”
“Anything else?”
Raney shuffles down my legs to put some space between us. It shouldn’t hurt, but it’s like dropping a boulder on my chest. And then she attacks me.
