“Yeah, yeah we are.” The warm sentiment in his voice is a fuzzy blanket to my emotions.
I grab a strand of hair and wrap it around my finger while Carter finishes making two sandwiches then offers me the plate. “We alsodon’thave great ideas, and that’s why we are sitting here unsure how to act around each other,” I admit.
He pauses and juts his jaw out to appraise me. He’s waiting for me to finish a sentence because his demeanor is intrigued but too confident.
Squeezing my eyes closed tightly, I gather courage, but it’s the only way we can break this tension. “I wish everything happened differently. I’m not sure what I envision for it all to have been, but this isn’t where we should be now. I mean, waiting for some bubble to pop around us.”
Carter doesn’t say anything, and for a few long seconds, I believe it’s because he is angry at me. I can say what I said, but it doesn’t change what happened. We’re still broken and in this very spot.
“Rosie, the best thing we can do right now is give one another a little forgiveness. It’s the only way. Otherwise, we have no chance.”
My eyes must brighten, and my chest rises due to piqued interest. “Chance?”
“Us. Parenting. Us again.”
“Okay, but I also don’t think we should try and be together because of a baby.”
He reaches for my hand across the table. “He or she will always be a symbol of us, and for the next few months because your belly is growing with our baby. Doesn’t mean we have to use the baby as an excuse to slowly get to know one another again and see where things go.”
I stand up and escape his touch, walking straight to the glass doors to outside, and I stare across the yard. “I don’t understand how we would even want to see where things go. Shouldn’t we be so angry at one another that there is no chance?”
Carter growls and rakes his hair with his hands. “Woman, you are really testing me, aren’t you?” He hurries in my direction. “We have to bury all of that shit, that’s how we do this. I have no clue what is going on in your little head, but I let you go because if you love somebody, you set them free, and if they return then it’s… I don’t know what the hell they say. But you’re here.”
His edged tone takes me off guard because it’s filled with a tenacity that could knock me off my axis. “We can’t just start on a blank page.” Now I’m meeting him halfway in frustration.
“Fine. Then either say what the fuck you were thinking when you were away or so help me, I will fuck the thoughts out of you,” he snarls.
My mouth parts but words are stuck in my throat because he is a man who isn’t afraid to be bold around me. It’s just, his choice of words… well, they put images in my head that won’t help our situation. I would love to see him try. “You already know that I was thinking of you. I’m just… scared, okay?”
He grabs my arm. “Of what?”
“You’re supposed to hate me, and you don’t. I left because maybe I needed to be the best version of myself because that's what you deserve. You are the prince that women dream about, but you didn't deserve the way I left.” It spills out of my mouth because my underlying thoughts finally want to surface.
He frames my face with the palms of his hands. “Then you shouldn’t be scared.”
“Yes, I should. You’ll resent me,” I whisper.
“No. I won’t.” He sounds almost defiant.
“Yes, you will.”
He closes our distance, stealing my air, and I’m a little lightheaded, but it isn’t from the baby. “Rosie, I’m telling you right now. Let go of everything, because trying again is worth the thought. And we’re going to do this. We’ll do it so damn well that when this baby gets here, it will be as though his or her parents were never apart.”
I’m shocked. I didn’t see our night going this way. We are diving straight into it. So many questions. I push aside the guilt that I still feel, the remorse and shame that I let go so easily, and the anger I had for him that doesn’t compare. We gave up so easily.
Now, we’re in this moment.
“Carter,” I whisper, and I wrap my fingers around his wrists. “I hear you. I do. I’m just…” I push out a breath and debate what to say. However, I have nothing.
“Shh. We don’t need to discuss this anymore tonight. I’ve made my point, and that’s what I wanted to do.”
I always have impeccable timing when to take a serious conversation and turn it upside down. I snort a laugh because I can’t help but point out, “You were going to dine me and persuade me, huh?”
In a snap, he eases and his face wilts into a small proud grin. “Right after I asked you to add all of the trolls to the shelf in the living room, yes.”
He makes me giggle, and that feels nice. “I’ll be happy to arrange that.”
Our strong smiles grow smaller. “Rosie. You have some power over me. You never left my fucking mind, and it was torment, so I’ll be damned if I don’t want to grab a chance to have what I’ve been wanting. I shouldn’t beg to try, but I will.” The sincerity in everything he is doing tonight weakens me.
