“Okay. But you can think about it, too. I know it’s a big decision. Probably a good idea that we don’t stretch this out. I’m giving you a deadline to make the choice. Won’t keep any of us in a limbo.”
“Agreed. I’ll be in touch soon,” she responds and stalls for a second before swiveling away to avoid prolonging this discussion any longer.
It’s heartbreaking for Lori and Harry. They just don’t know it because I’m carrying the brunt for them.
But the heartbreak I’m carrying inside for Lexi, both her heart and my own, is shared with her, and I need to gather my plan of action to rectify that.
* * *
Spreadingthe cream cheese mixture into the cake pan, I hate to admit that I’m not making my signature peanut butter and jelly cheesecake for my kids. It’s because I need a distraction, as tomorrow, after an attempted night of sleep and going through all the reasons that life could actually be full on all fronts, I need to find Lexi.
Holding up the spatula, I debate licking it. Normally, I don’t do that, but I guess trying new things and views begins now. But I laugh to myself, because before the spatula can hit my lips, my son comes racing to the counter.
“Hey, you’re making the cheesecake. I bet it’s for Lexi and not me.”
My brows furrow because I haven’t yet spoken to them about Lexi, only kept it vague, and thank the heavens, because now I don’t have to explain what I’m doing. Well, first I need to win back Lexi, but I won’t relent.
“What do you mean, buddy?”
“She was busy with her friend, that’s why she hasn’t been around lately.”
I attempt to hide my relief at his theory. “Yeah… this might be for her.” If I can convince her of my true feelings. I hand my son the spatula to lick as a peace offering for baking his favorite cake and not having notified him.
“Dad, I finished my homework, now can I please have my phone back?” Lori yells as she walks down the stairs.
Life is feeling back to normal, except with one giant piece missing.
Lori has a bounce in her step. “Oh hey, it’s cake baking. What’s the special occasion?”
My eyes travel between my children. “Just wanted to…”
Lori gives me a peculiar smile. “I saw her today in town.” Instantly, I know she means Lexi, but I like it a lot that Lexi still seems to give Lori attention, even if I may have ruined a good thing. “I think she’ll… like it.” The corner of her mouth hitches to give me a sort of secret assurance before she grabs an apple and takes a big bite.
And that gives me promise.
28
LEXI
Why oh why does Lake Spark do this to me?I think as I stare at the general store. There’s a sign on the door that says they’ve closed early due to a staff meeting. It throws a wrench in the works for me to buy a bottle of wine and drown in it. I know drinking alcohol is not the best way to cure the misery that I’m mired in, but I’ve cried enough today, the numbness overbearing.
There’s Catch 22, but right now that feels like too far of a walk. Jolly Joe’s doesn’t serve alcohol, and I’m not sure whose home wine supply I can steal without them asking how I am and then I’d break down in tears.
“Damn it,” I growl to myself. My only option right now is the Dizzy Duck, and I should avoid that place like the plague… except… it’s late, and a school night which means Holden won’t be there, since that’s the time he’s with Lori and Harry who I already miss.
Ugh, I’ll take the risk and go for it. Maybe Stuart will be at the front desk or Jonathan behind the bar. They’re good company, and they don’t really talk to me as they seem to lose their words if I’m around. Talking to a wall could be good. Okay, the Dizzy Duck it is.
It’s a ten-minute walk to the Dizzy Duck, and when I walk in, there is only Jill tonight working in reception, but she’s friendly and smiles at me. The line of my mouth snags in an attempt to return her sentiment. I spot the plate of chocolate chip cookies that are always available for guests in the lobby. Walking by, I grab one then stuff it into my mouth as if I’m a savage, because I don’t care that my mouth is full or that I’m leaving crumbs. Straight to the bar I go and greet Jonathan.
“Hey, Lexi, I’m surprised to see you. It’s been a while since the re-open.” He places a clean wine glass back on the rack. “What can I get you?”
Sliding onto the stool, I cut to the chase. “White wine. Wait, no… go straight for something stronger. A vodka tonic, please.” I slump over to rest my head on my hands. “Don’t forget to add a slice of lemon,” I order.
I amnotthe best version of myself right now.
In my peripheral view, I see that there’s a hockey game on the television. A line on my mouth twitches. Hockey. It’s my dad’s team, and I always forget to tune in, but after years, it’s impossible to watch every game. Hockey; it’s also the reason I first met Holden. A flicker inside me hits, and that only causes me to sigh.
“I’ll be right back, need to get more ice from the back,” Jonathan informs me.
