Stepping away from them, I found myself wandering back outside, taking a seat on one of the picnic benches in order to function. My head was swimming in a sea of darkness, those morbid thoughts of ending it all filtering back in. Throwing my head back, I stared up at the sky, noticing a cloud that looked somewhat like an angel.
“It’s amazing how far away the heavens actually are,” a voice stated beside me. “It feels like you can touch it, but there are millions of miles between us and what’s above.
Glancing over, I took in Knight’s stance, noticing him staring up at the sky as well.
“Did Cap send you out here to save me?” I asked, already knowing he probably did.
“No. I excused myself when I saw you leave. You look lost—empty in a way.”
“Is it that easy to see?”
Knight motioned to the seat across from me. “Mind if I sit down?”
“It’s a free picnic table, but if you think I’m going to open up to you and suddenly become all religious and shit, you’re sadly mistaken.”
He laughed. “Is that what you think I’m here for?”
“Aren’t you?”
He shook his head. “Maybe,” he stated, “or maybe I’m just here to listen.”
I remained silent, turning my focus on a rotted knot in the wood that sat between us.
“Do you actually believe in God?” I asked him, not bothering to look up.
“I believe he is here for us all,” he answered. “That he will protect us and guide us, leading us the way he deems fit.”
“Religion is so stupid,” I mumbled.
“To some, but religion isn’t always about the church. Sometimes it’s about what you feel deep inside of you.”
“All I feel is empty and lost.” Briefly, I glanced up at him. But he wasn’t even looking at me, he was staring above us, probably at that angel cloud.
“If God’s real… why would he snatch people away from us and cause us so much pain?”
“God only gives us what he thinks we can handle.”
“And if we can’t actually handle it?”
“Then he holds you and comforts you the best he can.” Now he was looking at me, his sullen expression deepening. “Can I ask what has you questioning your faith?”
“You mean lack of faith?”
He nodded. “What brought you to this point?”
“God decided it was the best idea ever to get my husband drunk, force him to drive, and take his fucking life. But for some reason, he decided to spare me. How is that fucking fair?”
The man of God stood quiet, choosing his next words very carefully. “Maybe he has a bigger plan for you, Ruby?”
“That’s bullshit!” I shouted. “Do you actually believe in this crap?”
He laughed. “I actually do. I was like you at one point in my life. When I was sixteen, my mother was brutally murdered right in front of me. She was being car-jacked and when my mother wouldn’t give him the vehicle, the man shot her. I was working at the time, but I saw it from the window of the store I was in, and when I raced out to stop him, the guy had fled, my mother already dead.”
“See? Why in the fuck would God put you through that?”
Knight ignored me. “They caught the guy not long after. I wanted to tear the man apart limb from limb. I wanted revenge, my mother’s blood needed to be paid back in his.”
“So, did you kill him?”
