Zodiac nodded his head to the side, motioning for Cap to get me out of there.
Why was I so damn broken?
The second we were just outside the gates, Cap turned to me, doing his best to be there for me without crossing a line.
“Are you okay?”
Shaking my head, I tried to control my sobs, choking them down like meaty potatoes stuck in my throat. Everything was closing in on me, my vision blurring, the darkness taking over as those familiar spots dotted my peripheral vision… again.
“No,” I cried out. “I think I’m gonna—”
His arms cradled me just as my mind went blank, my eyes fluttered closed, and everything around me went completely black.
Chapter Twenty-One
I don’t remember much from the concert. When I woke up, I was back in my bed, staring at the ceiling fan as it spun above me. There was a slight squeak to it, one that I never noticed before. That was almost two days ago. Since then, Cap and I have barely spoken.
He's tried.
I’ve tried.
But it’s like both of us don’t know what to say. I’m lost again, and he can feel it. Whatever steps we took to get where we are, I’ve taken double that back, doing nothing but think of Chase from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep again.
Maybe it’s because the guilt finally won, distancing me from Cap who’s done nothing but try to help me stand up to my grief and overcome it.
I had to thank him for at least trying. We were on our last week together, and when the contract was done, I’d be asking him to leave, exiting my life forever.
It was the only way. I’d be hurting Chase if I kept dueling with my emotions this way. I had to choose one—and it was easier to choose my husband’s ghost, than it was to start over new with someone else.
Cap knocked on my door, entering a few seconds later. “You up?”
Nodding, I sat up in bed, allowing him to enter the room. He kept his distance, glancing up occasionally, to look me in the eye.Every time he did, my heart would start thumping in my chest, wishing for a different outcome than the one I was already set on.
“My friend is coming into town today,” he informed me. “He’d like me to meet him at the clubhouse.”
“And you want me to go with you?”
He nodded. “If you don’t mind?”
Blowing out a frustrated breath, I threw my head back against the headboard. “Why is this so damn hard?”
“What?” Cap questioned as a floorboard creaked beneath his foot, signaling he was getting closer to me. The smell of his cologne invaded my senses, dismantling me briefly. Sandalwood always does that to a girl.
“Existing,” I stated, my eyes as listless as I felt in side.
“Ruby—”
“Give me ten minutes, Cap. I’ll be ready,” I stated, cutting him off. I didn’t need a lecture right now. I just wanted the pain to stop.
As promised, I was ready within ten minutes, forgoing makeup, a shower, and nice clothing. Pajamas and a T-shirt would do just fine.
“You look—” his voice trailed off.
“Wretched? I know.” Like a zombie, I moved past him, briefly glancing at the golden urn that sat on my mantle, mentally telling Chase hello and goodbye as we walked outside.
“You know, Ruby, it’s probably time you start looking into getting rid of his bike,” Cap said.
I abruptly turned, my glare slicing through him. “I don’t think that’s your decision to make, Nicholas.”
