Cap motioned for me to follow him to the side of the stage, leading me down some stairs and into a pit where most of theclub was standing. It looked like the perfect place to watch the show.
When Misery took the stage, her soulful voice echoed across the farmland, the sea of people in front of her erupting into screams.
“How we doing tonight, Rising Star?” she yelled into the microphone. “You ready to rock?”
More cheering ensued. The biggest smile hit my face when Affliction strummed his guitar, signaling the start to what would probably be the greatest rock show on earth.
“1… 2… 3… 4!” Misery shouted as the band immediately started playing their biggest hit,Undying Chaos.
“I knew you were crazy when I met you, but I took that ride cuz I wanted to. You smelled like trouble and gasoline, but the fire in my eyes was like kerosine! Tell me again why we’re not together? Cuz it seems to me we would be better—together—forever—just you and I. It’s undying chaos yet you always deny.”
The song came to the slow part right before the chorus, the bass guitar keeping in beat with the drum set that was currently nothing but clattering cymbals, and the second it broke into the chorus, everyone was singing. Including me.
“It was madness! Chaos! I fell for you and was so fucking lost. It was crazy! Obscene! But, baby, our love was like kerosine! Our love was fucking kerosine! Fire! Fire! Fire! Let the ashes burn! Fire! Fire! Fire! It’s for you I yearn.”
It was then I noticed her looking straight at Bull, their eyes meeting in a passionate standoff. She pointed at him, her voice filling with emotion as she whispered the words again. “It’s for you I yearn.”
Everyone looked at Bull, who just stood there void of emotion, watching the show like the rest of us. He was tapping his foot and bobbing his head to the music, but showed nothing else.
The band finished up their song, and all of the sudden that little girl appeared again, this time out of nowhere. She moved through the side pit, making her way over to the biggest and tallest of all the bikers… Bull.
She tugged on his pant leg, and at first, he didn’t acknowledge her. I started making my way over to her, doing my best to steer her away from the unruly biker, but this little girl was determined to get his attention.
“Excuse me!” she shouted, finally getting his attention.
He looked down, his brow kind of furrowing in question.
“Excuse me, Mr. Giant, but would you please pick me up and put me on your shoulders? I want to see my mommy sing.”
“Who’s your mommy,” he asked, bending down to get on her level.
She pointed to the stage. “My mommy is up there. She’s the one singing,” she said with the biggest fucking smile. “I’m Hope. I can’t see anything from down here. Can you pick me up?”
Bull looked over at Cap, who only shrugged his shoulders. “What could it hurt, man?”
Massive hands curled around the little girl’s waist, lifting her up until she was sitting on his shoulders. She started waving her hands back and forth, shouting, “Mommy, Mommy, look over here.”
Misery looked over at her daughter, smiled, waved, then frowned when she realized just whose shoulders she was sitting on.Interesting.
“Our next song is…In Grief’s Shadow. This is for all of you suffering out there. The ones who have lost those they love and try to live every day without them. We feel your pain! This song is for all of you!”
It was like she was looking directly at me when she said it. And the second her mouth opened, the music falling into that deep, hypnotic beat, tears were already pooling in my eyes.
Cap must’ve seen my leaky emotion, because his hand curled around mine, giving it a single squeeze.
“Angels in heaven, I can’t breathe. There’s something inside me that’s so fucking empty. Your empathy is pathetic and not what I seek, so the rage inside me festers and is starting to reek.”
“You left me deader on the inside, amongst the cobwebs and bats I’ll continue to hide.” Misery was moving her hands in a sort of contemporary dance, smoke billowing around her as bright neon lights flashed against her silhouette that sat in the middle of the stage.
“The pain, the pain, it’s getting worse. Lock me up in a looney bin or call me a fucking hearse. Body ready to be buried deep, in grief’s shadow I stand, don’t come looking for me.”
A gut-wrenching sob over took me as the band continued to play, visions of Chase dancing in my thoughts. He and I both loved this band, not only for their great music, but because that music spoke to both of us. I remember dancing to their songs in the living room, Chase twirling me, even dipping me a time or two as we both rocked out, getting lost in each other.
I missed him. God, I fucking missed him so damn much.
Glancing over at Cap, I realized he was watching me attentively, waiting for me to break. I kinda hated the fact that he had zero faith in me. I was breaking apart inside, but for so many fucking reasons other than this song. I was breaking apart because of what happened last night, and how guilty I felt for enjoying his touch—for longing for him—for wanting him. I was in my own personal fucking hell, the purgatory damning my very existence. I hated feeling this way, but letting Chase go hurt even worse. The pain I felt just thinking that thought made my knees buckle beneath me.
“Come on, Ruby, let’s get you home,” Cap encouraged, steadying me just as the song on stage came to an end. The crowd was fucking screaming, the flashlights on their phonescreating a diamond effect across the crowd. It was a beautiful sight; one I should be enjoying. But I couldn’t. Not when I was fucking decaying from the inside out.
