“But it did. And now we both have to live with the fallout from it.”
He moved away from me, immediately reaching for the bottle of whiskey he left beside the bed. He forgot it was empty, and before I could even react, it was thrown across the room, shattering against the doorframe.
My scream pierced the air, and I cowered in the corner of the bed, curling up against the headboard as fear plagued me.
“Shit, baby girl. I’m so sorry.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, pacing the room like a madman. “I want to kill them all!” he roared. “I want to break every fucking finger that touched you and snap each dick that dared to get near my woman.”
“It’s over, Chase. No need to get yourself killed. What happened… happened.”
“You won’t even look at me anymore, Ruby. I see the disgust in your eyes, the disappointment. I let you down. I put you in a situation I couldn’t get you out of.”
“What’s done is done. You’re not a part of that club anymore, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I’ll never forgive myself,” he grumbled, kicking at his shoe on the floor. “Never…”
Washing away the fear in my heart, I brought myself to my knees, reaching out for my lover that was breaking apart in front of me. “Come here,” I begged, pleading for him to close the distance between us.
He reluctantly moved my way, then clutched me so tight, I could barely breathe. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he whispered into my hair.
When I pulled away to look at him, I was met with unshed tears, the water of guilt building the more he tormented himself for what happened.
“I love you.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Always and forever.”
His lips covered mine, and we sank into the covers, washing away the elephant we somehow moved around in the room. It wasn’t going to fix what happened, or the aftermath of emotions it created for us both, but for the moment, we were connecting again, creating a massive shift in our relationship that was slowly spiraling.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me, Chase.”
“I promise…”
Tears pricked my eyes, emotion creating the sobs that broke through my chest. He promised me he’d never leave me. He broke that promise. Shattered it. Obliterated everything we had.
The door to the bathroom opened, and a bleary-eyed Cap frowned, realizing I was gone again.
“He promised me, Cap. He promised me he’d never leave me.”
I sank to the ground, but before I hit the floor, he was right there with me, cradling me in his protective embrace.
“Talk to me, Ruby. It’s the only way to get through this.” My new therapist had said the same thing, but I wasted his timefor an hour, staring at the wall, out the window, anything but him. He wanted me to open up too, but I wasn’t comfortable. He made me feel stupid, like my grief was a ridiculous emotion to have. After that first meeting, I told Cap I wouldn’t go back. I didn’t care what the doctors wanted. I didn’t need therapy… I just needed Chase.
I gulped down the massive emotion I was feeling and tried my best to breathe through my nose. Nothing seemed to be working.
“Please,” he begged. “There has to be more than just Chase’s passing that’s keeping you in this dark mental prison.”
How could he read me so well? Did he feel it? Could he tell I was tainted by others… used… discarded… raped.The word was so icky. I never thought something like that could ever happen to me, but it did. There was no cleansing the filth from my bones, or the taint that infected every inch of my skin.
His fingers combed through my hair, curling around the tendrils, the familiar sensation of loosely styling my curls with just the twirl of his finger.How? How could he possibly know how to soothe me like that?
“Tell me why you’re so fucking broken,” he whispered, clutching me even tighter.
My story sat heavy on my tongue, almost like a giant anvil that was crushing through the layers of earth, breaking through all the walls I’d erected around my heart. Opening up to anyone wasn’t easy, but opening up to him… somehow felt effortless.
“Before Chase died…” I started, hardly able to catch my breath. “Before that night…” I continued, willing away all my painful tears.
“It’s okay, you can tell me, Ruby. I can’t help you if I don’t know what demons I’m battling.”
