She gasped. “What happened?”
“I had a heart attack, and they had to do a heart transplant on me. That scar is where they opened me up on the table.” Her fingers traced the ridges that were barely there anymore. I was almost fully healed, but that scar would always remain. A constant reminder of my brief dance with death.
“That’s scary,” she murmured, her fingers continuing their mindless trace. “I’m glad you made it through that.”
“Me too. If I hadn’t, I would’ve never been there for you that day.”
I felt a smile etch up my chest as her lips lifted. “I’m glad you did too.”
“Really?”
“Mmm hmm,” she mumbled, her breathing evening out, her head getting heavier.
“Why’s that?” I asked, hoping for words I knew would be impossible for her to say.
But she didn’t have time to explain her thoughts, because Ruby had fallen fast asleep, my heart somehow lulling her into that peaceful place only Chase could once provide.
It wasn’t long before I joined her, getting too complacent in the arms of the slumbering woman beside me, losing myself in the fantastical false narrative that somehow the universe believed she belonged to me.
Chapter Twelve
Waking up from the best damn sleep I’d had since Chase’s passing, I found myself clutching Nicholas’ chiseled chest, finding peace in the way his heart thrummed beneath the skin.Why did this man feel like home to me?We’d barely met… he spoiled all my plans… and yet… here I was, holding him like he means everything to me.
The slight snore that escaped his nose was quite adorable as he slept peacefully beside me, still sitting in the upright position I had left him in last night. It was like he was on guard… watching over me as I fought through all my nightmares. But I didn’t have any after he came into my room. I didn’t dream at all for that matter. My slumber was one that most people strived for… peaceful, lulling, and damn near perfect.
My fingers traced the scar on his chest, and my own beating heart clenched at the thought of him almost losing his life.Where would I be if that happened? Dead? Not breathing?It sounded like the perfect ending to a wretched life… and yet… that was my mindset a few weeks ago. Now… now I didn’t know what I wanted.
Carefully, I tried to peel myself from off his chest, a slight pool of drool glistening over the top of one of his tattoos. It was an intricate design, and I made a mental note to ask him what it meant later on, but right now I was on a mission to pee.
For the first time in forever, I didn’t spritz the familiar cologne on the bathroom corner to greet Chase for the day.Instead, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Grief and guilt overwhelming every part of me.
Ruby, you cannot fall for him.
My wedding ring felt so heavy on my finger. I hadn’t taken it off since that night, but today it felt like a massive boulder weighing me down, almost breaking the ring finger on my hand. I closed my eyes and heard his voice inside my head.
“Do you think you’ll marry again, if something ever happened to me?” Chase’s fingers toyed with my hair, curling around each velvety strand of red hues, until he was practically styling my tendrils.
I laughed sardonically. Just the thought of being with anyone else was absurd.
“You’re an idiot, Chase. Don’t talk like that.”
He playfully messed up my hair, kissing me so deeply it made my toes curl with need.
“You could…” he whispered, his voice lingering, much like his breath that battered the nape of my neck. “I wouldn’t hate you for it.”
I turned in his embrace, meeting those eyes that I felt in every part of my soul.
“You’re the only man for me, Chase. The only man I’ll ever want to be with.”
He frowned; the intimate gesture of petting stopped almost instantly.
“Do you hate me?” he asked, that familiar quiver overtaking his voice again. It was the same quiver that happened any time he felt guilty. And guilt was something he felt a lot of lately. It had only been a few weeks since that incident happened at the Hell’s Artillery MC clubhouse. Shivers raked up and down my spine as I thought back to that day, the way it affected me, and how the slightest touch made me jump and put me on edge. This was the first time I had let him touch me since it happened, notbecause I didn’t want him to, but because I physically became ill at just the thought of sex.
I was clear of all STDs, and if I could have, I would’ve downed three morning-after pills just to prevent anything from happening. It didn’t matter that I was protected. Just the thought of having a baby with anyone other than Chase, made me nauseous.
“No,” I stated with conviction. “I could never hate you.”
“I’m sorry, Ruby. I should’ve never gotten involved with them… I should’ve stopped them… that should’ve never…”
