Pulling away, I held her hands, forcing her to look into my eyes. “Breathe, Ruby. Take a nice deep breath.”
She did, and I took it with her. We did this a few times before her breathing finally calmed down and she looked human again.
“There you are,” I said, smiling when the moon outside her window hit her eyes just right. “You’re okay.”
“Progress,” she weakly admitted. “Before, something like this would drag me into that dark place again. But not this time. This time I pulled out of it… because of you.”
“Yes, you’re making really good progress, Ruby. Better than expected. Today just opened up those doors to your demons again, but don’t worry, it seems like you’re getting better at combating them.”
She nodded, her head sinking into the pillow. “I don’t know if I can sleep again. Every time I close my eyes, I see the lights of the truck coming towards us. I hear the screams. The crash. His dead body hanging out the window. It’s like my mind won’t stop seeing it.”
I couldn’t even imagine what she was going through, seeing that grizzly display couldn’t be easy. Not for her. Not for anyone. “Eventually, those visions will fade. It’s just going to take time.”
“Thank you for coming to check on me.”
I let go of her hand, ready to head back to the guest room that was calling my name. “I’m always here when you need me, Ruby.”
Her head bobbed in the darkness. “Cap, I know it’s weird, but will you stay in here until I fall asleep?”
“Sure, let me just go get a chair…”
“No.” Her voice dropped low, barely allowing me to hear her. “I mean, will you lay in bed with me?”
“Ruby, I–I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” Warning bells blared in my head at the thought. I knew crossing that line would turn whatever this was into something she wasn’t ready for, but my whole body seemed to be yearning for it.
“Just until I fall asleep. Please. I don’t want to be alone right now.”
She moved over in the bed, allowing me room to climb in beside her. Those warning bells got even louder as I lowered myself onto the sheets, my heart racing as I laid down on the bedshe shared with him… on the sheets he used to sleep on… next to the woman he got to hold.
Jealousy started building inside of me again, but I fought it, much like the lions that were roaring for me to stay away and keep my distance.
I stared at the dark void above her bed, knowing this was a horrible idea.
She turned over, facing away from me. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I think this will help.”
“You’re welcome, Ruby.”
We sat there in silence for what felt like eons, but then she turned over, and I could feel her eyes watching me through the darkness, focusing on what she could see in the light peeking in through her curtain.
“Cap?” she questioned. “Are you asleep?”
“No.”
She moved closer. “Can I lay my head on you?”
I sat up a little. “Umm, I’m not sure if that’s a good…”
“Idea?” she said, finishing my sentence. “Yeah, I know. But…” her voice trailed off. “Laying my head on Chase’s chest helped me sleep at night. It was like the rhythm of his heart lulled me into peaceful rests. I know your heart is different, but I figure, maybe I can try. Maybe it will help?”
I sighed. I didn’t want her to lay there all night and not sleep. She had a rough day, one that she needed a reprieve from.
“Okay.”
She scooted closer, and I felt the softness of her hair as she laid her head over my chest, placing her ear directly over my heart. Then she snuggled closer, her fingertips grazing the bumpy scar that split me in two.
“Cap, what’s this?”
“A scar,” I replied into the darkness.
