I blink slowly to try to stem the tears.
‘You okay, chicken pie? Why do you need a hug from me and not the gorgeous man in your company?’
‘You know Dennis isn’t one for hugs. Not professional enough for him,’ I grumble.
‘Stop deflecting, Sienna Martin,’ she scolds.
‘Have you seen the story?’
‘About your voice?’ Jess asks. She sounds sad. Nearly as sad as I feel. ‘I did.’
‘It must have been Luc…’
‘I don’t think it was, personally.’ A cupboard slams. ‘Sorry, doing a hundred different things here.’ A clashing of ceramic and the suction of her teabag storage. ‘I didn’t want to tell you about the story while you were on holiday, but I spoke to the journalist. I asked for her source.’
I sit up straight. ‘What did she say?’
‘She wouldn’t tell me who sent her the story, obviously, because they have to protect their sources, blah, blah. But she did tell me that it was a woman who sent her the story.’
‘A… woman?’
‘Yeah.’ The fridge shuts on the other end of the phone. ‘Obviously it wasn’t me or Mimi.’ The mug hits a coaster, and I hear Jess sink into the sofa cushions. ‘I think it was Mauve, Sienna.’
Mauve. My mother. Selling stories.
You really can’t trust anyone.
I hate that I’m not shocked.
‘Luc told me he doesn’t want it to end,’ I blurt.
A pause on the other end. ‘Well, I’m not really surprised – you flew the guy to Tuscany.’ The sound of her email notification on her laptop. ‘And we both know that you haven’t exactly been law-abiding citizens when it comes to this fake relationship.’
I wince, cringing even more than when she actually caught us.
‘How do you feel about that?’ She sips her tea.
‘Luc said me thinking the leak was him was me looking for an excuse to bolt.’ I pause. ‘But it has to end… it was never the deal for it to continue.’
It’s better that we just stick to the business arrangement, the rules. We’ve had our fun, but we need to stop before someone really gets hurt. This isn’t like last time. There’s too much at stake now.
We’re not young anymore. I can’t waste Luc’s time that he could be spending finding someone who can give him the life he deserves. I can’t let myself get this comfortable with someone.
‘But, Sienna, I hate to break it to you… I think you’re in love with him.’
I don’t say anything, burying my face in the pillow.
‘Sienna, I think you probably are looking for your way out, but I really need you to not push him away,’ Jess says gently. ‘You’ve been so different since…’ she trials off. ‘Why don’t you try it?’
I shake my head violently, my voice muffled by the pillow. ‘It only ends one way.’ I live my life under a microscope – everyone has opinions on everything I say and do. Does Luc even understand how hard it would be for our relationship to withstand scrutiny like that? How long before Luc sees that, before he realises that my life is too much for him, that he’llnever be able to have a private moment again for as long as he knows me.
‘I– Luc knows what he’s getting into.’ Jess slurps her tea and gasps when the hot liquid goes down her throat.
‘He didn’t tell his family it’s not real.’ I’m not expecting the sob that escapes my mouth. ‘What if the reason he doesn’t want it to end is so that he doesn’t upset his family? Or, like, because he thinks the media attention from dating me will get his screenplay picked up?’
‘Sie,’ Jess groans. ‘The screenplay has already been picked up, andHostile Mindswas a huge TV show. His CV is brimming.’
‘I will destroy his life, Jess,’ I insist. ‘He might not be able to see it now but… when it ends – because whether it ends at the beginning of the tour as planned, or we try to stay together, it will end – he’ll look back and realise I ruined his life.’
