He nods, and I hold the cup of water to his mouth, letting him sip gently through the straw.
‘You know, you didn’t have to come, Sienna. I know you don’t like hospitals. And today is a big day for you.’
‘Of course I’m going to come, Rory. And no one likes hospitals.’
‘Mauve is telling me I have to move back in,’ Rory grumbles. ‘So she can look after me while I recover.’
I open my mouth to invite him to live with me but know that I can’t because I won’t be around for long enough.
‘If you don’t want that, Rory, I can get a nurse in.’
He shakes his head. ‘It will probably be better to have someone I know. You know what I’m like.’
‘I do,’ I smile.
A nurse comes in and takes Rory’s blood pressure and pulse. ‘Visiting times are over now, I’m afraid,’ she says. ‘We need to get Rory fed. You can come back again at seven.’
I check the time on my phone. Two hours away.
‘I’ll be back soon, Rory, okay?’ I say quietly.
When I leave the room, Jess is already back. Mauve is still nowhere to be seen. She’ll probably come back long after I’m gone. Sneak in after visiting times tonight to sleep next to him. At least he’ll have someone with him.
‘Shall we go to find some food?’ Mimi asks Jess.
‘I’ll have to wait here,’ I say. Not for Rory, but because no one wants to see Sienna Martin in the canteen when their sick relative is in hospital.
I don’t want to draw attention to the fact I’m here. I managed to sneak in before the paps arrived, but if word gets out that’s where I am… it could get ugly.
Luc holds up a small packet of something from his pocket. I squint and a grin breaks out on my face for the first time in hours. I lunge for them. ‘Where did you get these?’
‘They happened to have them in the… gift shop. Is that what you’d call it? It sounds like a museum.’
I pull the make-shift hair tie from my ponytail and use one of the new ones from Luc to retie a tighter ponytail at the top of my head. ‘You are the best,’ I smile.
And I mean it.
That’s why I can’t be with him.
‘Luc,’ I say quietly. ‘This isn’t an unusual thing in my life.’
‘What do you mean?’
I fiddle with the skin around my cuticles. ‘I mean that I lose a lot of people, and I spend a weird amount of time in hospitals for someone who doesn’t like them.’
‘No one likes hospitals.’
I swallow. ‘This is part of the reason I don’t… let people close to me.’
‘Because you don’t like hospitals?’
‘Because I’ve lost so many people. Because I don’t think I can survive giving anyone else that power over to me.’
I look away from him and pull a hand sanitiser out of my pocket, rubbing the liquid into my hands to try to wash away the day. The worry that has eaten away at my body for years spills out in front of me.
‘You have lost a lot of people, granted. Yes, it is completely tragic that you lost your dad so young. But you’re at an age now where sadly most people lose their grandparents if they haven’t already,’ he says quietly. ‘Rory is going to be okay. His accident is in no way your fault. People drive like idiots. It’s a fact of London.’ He looks at me carefully, his eyes painting watercolour across my cheeks. ‘Have you ever spoken to your therapist about this?’
Actually, I’ve never opened that door with my therapist. It’s the first time I’ve said something like this out loud.
