‘I can tell by the look on your face that you haven’t,’ Luc says. ‘Listen, you should. Make an appointment with her soon.’
He tucks a strand of hair which has fallen from my ponytail behind my ear.
‘I’m scared, Luc.’
‘I know you are, Sienna,’ he whispers. ‘But the way I look at it, you have two options in life… one, you keep running from the fear for the rest of your life. You never stop, never look back. You end up exhausted and the fear only gets worse… Or you turn around and walk straight into the fear. And then you see it’s not so bad when you get to the other side.’
And then he kisses my temple, right in the hospital corridor. He leans his head against mine, his hair tickling mycheek. I face the fear, opening the hatches to let in a new life and, for the first time in a long time, I don’t run.
Does anyone else think Freefalling on YEDFMW deluxe has to be about Luc?
It must be, who else would it be about? She’s not stupid enough to write a song like that about Benji Robert surely
Do you think it was an instance of Freefalling with her and Luc though? Hasn’t she known him for ten years?
I think falling in love with someone you’ve known for that long is scarier tbh
I don’t. You already know all their red flags as well as the green and beige, they’re not exactly going to surprise you after ten years
CHAPTER 19
TRANSATLANTIC DREAM
TRACK 3 | SIENNA MARTIN
This is one of the first songs I ever wrote, from alittle girl who hadn’t made it in the UK yet but who knew she wanted to crack America. She would watch ‘X Factor’ every Saturday night with Mauve and wonder what they meant when a previous winner came back after ‘cracking’ the States. One day it clicked, and it was all she could think about.
I checkthe time by the plane clock, updated by my pilot whenever we land in a new city. New York. Five hours behind.
I’m groggy. We took off at eight o’clock this morning from a private airfield in the UK, and now it is midday, despite eight hours of life passing.
This year has gone so quickly. I can’t believe it’s already time for the PAAs again. The Popular Arts Awards which celebrate music, film, TV and books across the globe for making a splash in the mainstream.
Luc fell asleep straight after we’d taken off in the seat that converts into a bed on the other side of theplane, but I’m far too jittery to ever fall asleep while I’m moving in a tin can in the sky. Falling asleep is that final element of control that you give up, and I’ve already given up too much control. Other than the pilot, we’re all mere air idiots up here.
I wish I could though. That’s basically teleporting from London to New York.
Luc paced up and down the jet – which I only charter for long-haul flights – a few times as a short break from his long nap. I fly commercial – first class, of course – for short haul when I can.
‘I think the toilet may be my favourite part of your jet, Sie,’ Luc comments.
I hold my page and look at him, trying to frown but the laugh pulling at my lips stops me.
‘What? It’s nice to know we’re the only ones using it and we don’t have someone like Gary from the back row with no aim pissing all over the seat,’ Luc grins.
‘It’s not technicallymyjet, but thanks.’ He’s basically asleep by the time I get halfway through the sentence.
I wasn’t going to come to the PAAs in the end after everything going on with Rory after the accident. It’s been a week since the car hit him. They operated on his elbow a couple of days after the crash, when he’d recovered from the concussion. He’s in a cast and living with Mauve because he can’t do much. I went to the hospital and to Mauve’s house after he was discharged every day to see him. Mauve and I have not spoken about what she said to me, or what I said to her. We’ll probably brush it under the carpet and ignore it. Words spoken in high-stress situations that we both meant but will pretend we don’t.
Rory tries so hard to keep himself distanced from the limelight that comes with being related to me. But he still didn’t get the privacy he deserved to heal after his accident. ‘A source close to the family’ still wheeled out every day to give an update on his condition.
I did take Luc’s advice and talk to my therapist about the fear of losing those around me. She said that’s a big topic for us to take on and, maybe not one to do alongside touring the world because it might open doors I don’t want to open, but that it would be a big focus for us when I have time again.
My voice is improving every day with treatment from this vocal therapist. I still don’t know whether my vocal cords will survive the tour, but they stand more of a chance now than they did a few months ago.
We’re only away for a few days before I need to go back to continue with tour rehearsals. I’m only in New York for the PAAs tonight. We’ll fly out early tomorrow morning to Luc’s surprise birthday trip.
I gently wake Luc up, running my finger along his arm and whispering his name. His eyes flutter open and his face breaks into a grin as soon as his eyes focus on mine. He pulls me in, and I flop down on the pull-out bed definitely not made for two people. The rest of my team are up at the top of the plane, so I take a risk and kiss Luc. He looks alarmed for a few seconds, eyes wide, brow furrowed. But then he relaxes. He leans in and kisses me again – a small peck on the lips is all we have time for – but it leaves an ache in my belly.
