‘Is this vegetarian?’ I ask the server.
They nod and walk away.
‘Didn’t you eat chicken, like, the other week?’
I laugh. ‘I’m obviously not a veggie, but I always order it at these things because you never know when someone is going to put raw fish in front of you.’
‘It’s delicious.’ Luc’s already demolished his smoked salmon. ‘Why do they serve such tiny food at these places?’
‘Somehow even smaller than the restaurant the other week.’
‘I would be lying if I told you I didn’t go home and cook myself dinner after that.’
‘No one would blame you.’
Servers come back around to collect the plates while the man and Rory on stage start auctioning off items, starting with a signed football from this year’s North London derby. It’s niche, but it sells for four hundred pounds. The auction is being live-streamed somewhere on the Internet so that people can bid, to not limit the sale to the wealthy people in the room. I look at everyone waving their paddles to try to buy something exclusive. Something that no one else will have, in a way that can be seen as generous, helping to raise money for an important cause. But, really, it’s just another way of them showing their wealth. They could donate this money to charity if they have it spare, but they need to have something to show for it.
‘If I bought something here,’ I whisper to Luc. ‘It would be a national news story.’
‘Imagine the media’s reaction if you bought a football from the North London derby. Cue eternal country-wide confusion.’
‘The news story would be that I’m cheap.’ I pause. ‘With all my wealth, I only chose a four-hundred-pound football.’
Luc doesn’t say anything.
‘That’s why I always make a donation on my way out,’ I say.
The auction continues in the background until it pauses for a break, when everyone gets up and starts talking.
I release a big sigh. ‘God, I wish I could live a normal life,’ I breathe. I look at Luc. ‘Normal people don’t go to movie premieres.’
Luc winces, slumping in his seat. ‘Sie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.’
‘You were right, though,’ I point out.
‘You can live a normal life, Sie,’ Luc protests quietly. ‘It might look a bit different to how me or, like, Rory would live a normal life. But you can do it.’
A server returns and puts down a bowl with a spoonful of mushroom risotto, while Luc has a tiny, cubed piece of pork shoulder with puréed potato.
‘Good luck leading a normal life after this,’ I say drily, gesturing between us. Luc swallows and I fight the urge to wince. ‘I want to go to the cinema and see a movie in the back row without walking a red carpet first. I want to go to a greasy burger joint and have a full-sized meal rather than these tiny portions that mean you need to eat again when you get home.’
Luc dips his head. ‘I understand. Just from living part of your life for the past week, it seems exhausting to be “on” all the time, if you know what I mean.’
Add that to my list of reasons Luc and I would never have worked.
‘Every single time I leave my house, even if I’m just going to my mailbox.’ I pause and pick at my cuticle. ‘I– I never want to seem like I’m moaning, so I want to be really… careful with how I phrase this.’ I hesitate. ‘I’m lucky. To be able to achieve something that I dreamed of. Not many people can say that. But I always try to remind people of what a life like mine actually entails.’ I rub my bare arm with the palm of my hand and take a shaky breath. ‘A lot of watching what you say, what you do, who you associate yourself with, worrying that someone is growing close to you for the wrong reasons, relationships ending because they can’t keep up with your lifestyle, or they’re jealous of people who came before them. Or jealous that you earn more money or are more successful than them.’ I shake my head and look at my plate, stabbing a singular piece of risotto rice with my fork. ‘It will– It takes someone strong to feel secure in their relationship when all your exes’ information is all over the internet. Pictures of you wrapped around other men, interviews where you’ve described how in love you are.’ I pause and laugh. When I look at Luc, my heart thumps once against my chest, his eyes dancing in the low light. ‘That’s obviously never happened to me. The describing how in love I am part.’
‘It sounds horrible.’
‘You’ve agreed to come along for the ride, though. Why?’ I pause. ‘Surely getting back at Rose isn’t worth it? And you don’t need me to boost your career. You’re doing perfectly well on your own.’
‘I want to help you, Sienna. I want to know you again.’ He pauses and rubs his palms on his suit trousers. ‘I never want to not know you.’
I think about this for a moment. How we came so close to us never knowing each other again. How so much has happened in his life that I didn’t know about, when he doesn’t get that same luxury for me. That my whole life is plastered as public information.
‘What bothers me most is that everyone else has their life put on display,’ I whisper. ‘It’s not just me who’s affected by it.’
Luc’s eyes widen. Like he’s figured out the secret we’ve both been dancing around since our first dinner. ‘So, you try to protect them.’
