‘Do you really want your life to look like that?’ she asks.
‘I don’t know what I want my life to look like,’ I say to appease her, when really the answer is yes. ‘I’m just taking each day as it comes.’
I can tell that she wants to say something else and I wonder how long it’ll take.
‘What about Luc?’ she asks.
That didn’t take as long as I thought it would.
‘What does he think of this?’ She pauses but only for a moment. ‘Doesn’t he want to meet anyone and settle down?’
Bloody hell, she’s really found her words.
‘I can’t speak for him.’
‘But you’ve discussed it, surely?’
‘Yeah, we have. And he’s fine with it… He has his own reasons for agreeing.’
The tension in the room is so thick it’s almost a fog. Mauve sighs. ‘Don’t break his heart again, Sienna.’
If I didn’t break his, he would’ve broken mine. There’s only one way it ends when you feel like that about someone.
I had to protect myself.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect myself.
Lunch is to the tune of forks scraping across plates, knives sawing through tough chicken, slurping excess gravy with a spoon from inside the Yorkshire pudding before putting nearly the entire thing in our mouths whole. One of the only things which is actually edible on the plate because all it required from Mauve was putting them in the oven from frozen for ten minutes. And they’re still pretty cold in the middle.
I take a sip of wine after every mouthful, knocking back the roast dinner with varying degrees of cooked-ness, topping up my wine whenever I’m running low. Mauve’s eyes are on me every time I do it, but I fix my gaze on the plate, searching for what part of the dinner looks most edible to be my fork’s next victim. Rory does the same, ignoring our mother as best he can.
When I’ve eaten everything that looks digestible, I push the food around my plate. I’m safe to put it down when Rory sets his cutlery together. Mauve puts her fork down at the same time and I jump up, collecting the plates to take them to the kitchen. I shut the door and turn on the radio,Kind Regardsplaying quietly in the background while I begin theclean-up. The song ends and one of Ruby Rain’s new songs plays straight afterwards.
I load plates, utensils and cutlery into the dishwasher to make room on the sides. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I lean back on the cabinet and text Kareem.
SIENNA
How are you doing out there?
I would offer you some food but honestly… barely fit for a fox.
KAREEM
No trouble, bought a sandwich
SIENNA
I’m cleaning up and then we can leave will let you know when I’m saying goodbye
No messages from Luc. Do I still have to wait for him to message me first? Or does all the organising have to come from Mimi? I didn’t really consider how little I really know about PR relationships. I’ve always known they exist, but I’ve never known anyone in one, and up until now it’s never been on the cards for me. There are, however, two new messages from Jess.
JESS
Can I come over tonight? As Friend Jess!
I’ll bring wine and tortilla chips with salsa if you say yes!
SIENNA
