‘Certainly, sir,’ the waiter says, collecting our menus from the table.
And then we are on our own again, the olive pit safely stowed, and Luc’s eyes focus on me. No longer any menus to distract us. Luc unfolds his napkin and drapes it over his lap, pulling his chair further under the table. I sense that his body is close to mine, the hairs near his ankles brushing against the skin on my legs. I fight not to move, not to budge an inch so that our limbs collide. Luc doesn’t either.
‘How’s your mum?’ I ask.
‘She’s good, still in remission. She asks about you loads.’
I feel the muscles in my face relax. ‘I miss her.’
His mum started treatment not long before Luc and I broke up ten years ago, and one of the hardest parts of our break-up was the timing. I met her a few times during our relationship, and she was always so kind. Always treated me so refreshinglynormal, just like Luc did.
The wine arrives, and the waiter pours a small amount in the bottom of Luc’s glass. He swirls it, smells it and takes a small sip. ‘It’s lovely, thank you.’
‘And Rory?’ Luc questions.
I wonder how long we’ll be dancing around the subject of why we’re here. Whether we’ll ask about every single family member until Luc is asking how my mum’s neighbour’s friend’s dog is.
‘Haven’t you heard? Rory is a hotshot lawyer in the city now. Making us all proud.’
‘Congratulations to him,’ Luc replies.
There’s so much left unspoken between us. Everything that happened when we ended, everything since. His ex-fiancée, my albums.
‘So, why am I here then?’
‘Mimi thought you’d be the perfect candidate to transform the image I’ve managed to create for myself,’ I say drily, taking a sip of my own wine.
‘For what it’s worth, Sienna, I think you can live your life exactly how you want to live it,’ Luc says but then he pauses, opens and closes his mouth a few times. ‘But…’ He trails off and runs his hand through his hair. ‘Are you happy?’
‘Most of the time.’
‘That’s all that matters,’ he smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘If you’re happy, I mean.’
I don’t say anything, instead opting to look at my wine glass and avoid his gaze.
‘Just…’ Luc sighs. ‘You disappeared again, Sienna.’ His voice is so quiet that I wonder if I’ve misheard him.
I open my mouth to speak before remembering I know better than to start opening that wound again. I want to remind Luc that I disappeared the second time because seeing him with Rose, hearing about their life together, their engagement, that she could provide the stability I couldn’t, was too painful for me.
‘You disappeared long before I met her.’ Luc reaches out to touch my arm and I give in to that temptation to feel his hands on me for mere seconds before I gently pull back, as though it was an accident. I pick at the skin at the edges of my fingers, raw from weeks of grief and the anxiety leading up to a new album release all rolled into one messy package.
I didn’t technically disappear. I still said happy birthday every year once the hurt wasn’t raw anymore, but I was feeding my own pain. The entire reason I left in the first place was to avoid hurting myself.
It’s not like anything would ever work between us. It was easier to stay gone after his relationship with Rose ended. To protect myself from the pain of walking out on him again. Of him walking out on me.
The food arrives and my stomach grumbles seeing the tiny portion size, but I take another sip of wine.
‘The food is well and truly here now,’ Luc points out. ‘And I don’t think it will be for long.’
‘Wow, you are so observant. So perceptive,’ I say, cutting into my coq. ‘I really miss being able to go to a dirty burger restaurant and stuff my face full of greasy, delicious food.’
‘You still can, can’t you?’
‘I’d cause chaos for the business. Not worth it.’ There are a few moments of silence between us before I continue. ‘Well, let’s talk. About Mimi’s plan.’ Another pause while I put a small piece of chicken on the end of my tongue. ‘When did she ask?’
‘Wednesday,’ he replies, expertly carving his beef with his knife and fork.
Before the Jonny kiss. Interesting.
