‘Society has thought this of me for my entire career. Have you ever seen my comment sections?’
‘I have,’ Jess says. ‘Brutal.’
‘Right? MAGA men really love me.’
Jess snorts down a laugh.
‘Of course I have,’ Mimi says. ‘But you’re older now. More people are going to stop tolerating you.’ She swallows loudly. ‘And we’ve seen it already with how the Benji thing isn’t going away as quickly as previous situations might have.’
She puts a hand on mine, and I fight my instincts to pull it away.
‘And obviously I don’t want that to be the case, but we need to pull out the big guns to turn this around now.’ She takes her hair out of the elastic and cracks her fingers. ‘You’ve always said that you want to do this for as long as possible. And it’s my job to make that happen for you.’ She sighs. ‘I only want the best for you, Sie.’
‘I should be able to do what I want.’ My voice is petulant like a child throwing a tantrum because they can’t have coco pops. I hate it.
I haven’t had to try this hard sinceInfinite Ghostwent to number one. I was on an uphill trajectory from then. I’ve never had to police what I do in such a way that I seem to need to do now.
I’m exhausted. All I need is to get through the tour sale, the months of performances, and then everything will look brighter.
‘I’m not saying you shouldn’t,’ Mimi says.
I sigh. ‘What are the big guns?’
‘None of us are here to tell you how to live your life,’ Mimi says.
‘Well… publicly we are,’ Jess points out. ‘That’s our job.’
‘Yes, well. We can’t tell you how to feel, Sienna.’ Mimi scribbles in the corner of the page in her notebook, not paying attention to where her pen is but making the circle as dark as possible. ‘If you don’t want to date someone and settle down,that’s your prerogative. But I think that’s the story we now need to spin.’
She clicks her pen shut. My heart drops. I know there’s no malice intended, but Mimi’s words cut me deeper than anything she could mean nastily. She shrugs while my eyes trail over her face.
‘Is that really necessary?’ I question, even though I know she’s right. Of course she’s right.
‘Tour tickets go on sale in ten weeks, and we need to completely turn this around before then…’ She looks at Jess. ‘We’ve already committed to venues which means we need bums on seats. And if we don’t meet our quota of how many of those stadium seats need to be filled, we’ll be breaking our contractual obligations.’
Not to mention how embarrassing it would be for me not to sell out a stadium tour after all this time and when everyoneexpectsme to.
‘Just think. Everyone now expects you to date around.’ She pauses. ‘Imagine the frenzy if they think you’re settling down? They’ll want to hear the music you write about this person, no? That gives you enough interest for another album.’
‘I’m still getting number ones with my albums, isn’t that enough interest?’
‘For now,’ Mimi nods. ‘You have a very loyal fanbase, yes.’ She flicks back in her notebook a few pages. ‘But with the way reaction has turned in these last few weeks, there’s no guarantee. We can’t rely on it – we need to get ahead.’
Her eyes examine my face, waiting for me to respond, but I don’t. I’ve forgotten how to speak.
‘You’ve seen what happened to people like Lucie Louise: getting number ones until they weren’t.’ Mimi nods again, searching my eyes for my understanding. ‘We just need to get ahead of the curve.’
‘So, what are you thinking?’ I ask carefully, my slow voice matching how my thoughts struggle to catch up.
‘I think we need to orchestrate something. Something for the fans and the world to believe in.’
‘You mean like a PR relationship?’ I nearly roll my eyes. It’s such a cliché.
‘Exactly like that,’ Mimi smiles, clearly pleased that I’m catching on.
My heart pounds, sweat gathering in the crevices on my hands, coating my skin in a sticky sheen. I pull my hair up into a ponytail to give my neck freedom from the intensifying heat.
‘But who would want that?’
