Eve squeezed Aspen’s hands and arched into her as Aspen’s broken, desperate pleas pushed her over the edge into ecstasy, and surrendered the battle to keep her eyes open as she was carried away by the rolling waves of her climax. She pulled her hands from Aspen’s to hug her to her chest as Aspen collapsed atop her with a wanton, gasping mewl of pleasure that was mixed with dizzying relief, and pressed her cheek to Aspen’s as they rode out their releases in each other’s arms.
After a long day and staying up to make love well into the early, pre-dawn hours of the morning, Aspen had found it impossible to fall asleep, even with the comforting weight of Eve nestled against her chest. She’d dozed off and on for short stretches, but her mind refused to shut down completely and allow her to rest. Which, on any other night, would have been annoying, but she didn’t have it in her to care since it gave her a few more hours to enjoy holding Eve.
She’d known from the beginning that Eve would return to New York at the end of the weekend, but it was only now, as she basked in the warmth of Eve’s body draped over her own and the soft puff of Eve’s breath against her chest, that she truly realized what that meant.
No more waking up to Eve’s soft, sleepy smile.
No more sweet kisses.
No more being able to quietly savor the warmth of Eve’s presence at her side.
No more experiencing her beloved mountains anew through Eve’s eyes.
No more evenings spent—
“No,” she huffed under her breath as she wiped at her eyes. She couldn’t think like that.
Yes, she was going to have to say goodbye to Eve in a fewhours, but it wasn’t forever. She had to believe that it wasn’t forever, because the alternative… She pressed her lips together as a cold, crippling, hollow feeling settled in her chest. The alternative just might break her.
She had to trust that they would find a way to make this thing between them work.
Trust would come easier for her if she had a plan to lean on, but they’d gotten so distracted by the euphoria that this magic could extend beyond the weekend that they never got around to sorting out those first, oh-so-important and fragile steps of how they’d make it happen.
And, yeah, okay, she knew that it would obviously boil down to them coordinating their schedules and one of them flying to the other—but without that structure clearly defined, she couldn’t help but worry that all of this would disappear the instant Eve set foot on the plane that would whisk her back to New York.
New York.
Fuck.
What if Eve wanted to stay in New York?
Aspen sucked her lower lip between her teeth and bit down on it hard enough to stifle to sob she could feel building in her throat.
If push came to shove, she could try to relocate, but she knew that there was no way she’d be able to live there long-term. She wouldn’t last a week in Manhattan before she had a panic attack. It was just too much.
Too loud, with the sirens speeding by at all hours of the day and night, car horns constantly blaring, and the deafening sound of doors slamming that made her want to hit the dirt and cover her head for protection.
Too oppressively, constantly crowded with people jostling for position on the sidewalk, the subway, the elevator.
Just thinking about putting herself into the middle of all that made her brain start to hum with the old, painfully familiar buzzing sound that heralded an oncoming anxiety attack.
And what made it all the worse was that she wouldn’t even begrudge Eve for choosing to stay in the city she’d made her home. How could she, when Eve had fought so hard to carve a life out for herself that had nothing to do with her parents’ bullshit expectations?
Even if she wanted Eve to choose her, too.
Christ, it was almost laughable how, after a lifetime spent skillfully avoiding attachment, she found herself ass-over-eyeballs for a woman who lived across the goddamn country, in a city that was guaranteed to undo all of the work she’d done putting herself back together.
Never mind the fact that Michael was going to kill her when he found out. She had just been messing with him when she’d refused to say she’d leave Eve alone, but the truth remained that Eve was his best friend, and here she was, doing exactly what he’d specifically warned her not to.
But it wasn’t like it was her fault.
Not really, anyway.
When Eve was comfortable, she had a wicked sense of humor that was fucking incredible, and, yeah, she was breathtakingly beautiful, but more than that, Eve saw the world in a way she wished she could. She’d gone to the Academy hoping to find her purpose outside her role as the eldest daughter and heir to the family dynasty—and she had, for a while. But the high of flying and the rush of executing damn near impossible missions faded in the face of being forced to say goodbye to too many friends far too soon, and she’d been drifting through life ever since she’d walked away from it all in an attempt to save herself.
God, it was almost funny to think back on how legitimatelyannoyedshe’d been when Michael’s call had disrupted herimmaculately crafted schedule. Because the moment she watched Eve trip over her own feet and witnessed the warmth of her smile, the dulled, deadened part of herself that she’d thought she’d lost forever in the rubble and ruins of the Middle East flickered back to life.
Not because Eve needed her to play the white knight, as Kit and Lydia liked to joke, but because, somehow, even in that first, stumbling glance, she knew that Eve sawher. The moment their eyes locked, the staticky, itchy, uncomfortable feeling that had become her constant companion disappeared, replaced by a soothing, golden flutter she didn’t even understand at the time but that she now swore was her soul recognizing the one it’d been made to love.
