“I hate this too. What can I do?” Hawk swallowed, the emotions rolling off of her sticking painfully in his throat. He’d done that. He’d gotten her pregnant and his actions were responsible for how awful everything had been for her lately. And he was an asshole for pushing her to share about the pregnancy when maybe things wouldn’t work out.
“Nothing. There’s nothing. It’s me. My body is failing me. It’s failing the baby.”
He shook his head. “No. You aren’t failing her. I can’t fucking stand seeing this. I can’t stand seeing you fading in front of me. Do you think…” He blew out his breath, trying to find the words to tell her what he’d been thinking.
“What?”
“I read an article about women who struggle with sickness in pregnancy… they make the decision to… well, they make the decision that’s right for them.”
“I don’t understand?” Her brows pulled together.
“I know you’re past twelve weeks now, but… Do you think we should talk to someone about ending the pregnancy?”
Jessie jolted in his arms. Her eyes went wide as she shook her head back and forth. “What are you talking about? Wejusttold your friends about the baby and now you’re telling me you don’t want him? You don’t want us?”
“What? No! That’s not…” Christ. Hawk ran his hand over his face. “You said it yourself. Youcan’t do it anymore. And you don’t have to. I’ll ask Sebastian for the plane. I’ll take you wherever you need to go. We can stay away while you recover and get better. I wantyouto be okay.”
“Hawk. We’re so close to the second trimester. I’m not… I’m not dying.”
He pushed back a sweat-soaked strand of hair. “That shouldn’t be the standard by which you measure if this is something to move forward with or not. But you could. You could be so sick for the next six months that it drains the life right out of you. Without medical intervention, you’ll be dehydrated. Malnourished. It’ll put a strain on your kidneys.Your heart. Not to mention the mental toll it’s taking on you.” His thumb stroked over her cheek. “There isn’t the same light in your eyes anymore. I can’t… I love this baby. The idea of being a dad, raising our child, is a dream come true for me. But I… there is no future that I want where our baby is here and you aren’t.”
Her tired eyes went wide as she looked back at him, almost like she was searching to find a clue that would say he was lying. But Hawk wasn’t. He didn’t want to lose the baby. He wanted to be a dad more than anything in the world. More thanalmostanything in the world. Seeing his sister and his best friend fight for their relationship–to see them come back from the brink of despair–yeah, that had taught him once you find your person, you don’t let them go. And Jessie was his.
“You’d be okay with that? With me picking myself over our baby? What kind of person would that make me?”
“It would make you a human who knows they have value beyond just being a vessel to bring another life into this world. You don’t have to suffer, to lose your health, your strength, yourpassions?—”
“I’m not.”
“Jess, I just want you to hear me out.”
“I have. And I don’t know how I got so lucky. Everything you just said shows me the kind of man you are, Hawk, and I’m… just… Thank you for saying it. I don’t think I can give up. As much as I want it to be over. As much as I never want to feel nauseous again in my life… I know I said I was done, but I’m not giving up. Don’t give up on me and our baby, okay?”
Hawk pressed his lips to her temple. “We’re family. Now. Forever. I’ll respect your choice. Always.”
“I hate to ask…” Jessie groaned as her heartbeat throbbed in her temples. Shit. She needed something to drink. Her hands landed on either side of her hips and she tried to push up off the mattress. Her body was dragging.
“Then don’t ask. Just tell me what you need.” His hand was there on her hip in an instant, steadying her.
“A drink. And the cookies have to go. I’m not sure what it was about them, but I can’t…” She swallowed and closed her eyes as the nausea pulled at the back of her throat.
“Whoa. Nope. Don’t think about it. I’ve got a ginger ale with your name written on it in the fridge. And while you’re sipping on it in bed, I’ll clean up the kitchen.”
And that’s what he did. Or at least, that’s what she assumed was happening in the kitchen with all the clanging and whistling while water ran in the sink. Her ginger ale did the trick, soothing the never-ending churning her stomach seemed to be programmed for.
Birdie’s voice from their walk back to Montgomery Defense flitted through her mind. Jessie grabbed her phone and started scrolling through article after article. Before she knew it, tears were streaming down her face.
“Why are you crying?” Hawk looked mortified as he came into the bedroom and sat with his hip against her thigh. “You’re not feeling any better?”
“It’s you!” she hiccuped, bordering on hysterical. Shit. She hated feeling out of control.
“Me? I’m fine.”
“No.” Her hands gestured wildly to her little belly. “Birdie told me today that there’s a study that says pregnancy-related nausea isbecause of the father’s DNA. I looked it up and she was right! We aren’t compatible, Hawk. Our baby has biologically incompatible parents and I’m scared about what that means!”
“Alright, Mama. First things first.” Hawk pulled the phone out of Jessie’s hands. “No more reading this tonight.” Her bottom lip trembled, and Hawk took one look at her and chuckled. He was actually laughing at her! That only made the tears come faster. “You’re so fucking cute when you pout.”
“Hawk!”
