“Listen, if that study is true, and it’s my genetics making you sick, I’ll spend the rest of forever making it up to you. Hell, I don’t fucking care if it is true or not. I’ll worship the ground you walk on forever, Jess. You’re carrying my baby. Growing our child. A little version of you and me smushed together, and you’re keeping them so safe in there, even when every bit of your body is fighting against you. I’ve never met a more incredible person, or a stronger one.”
She wiped her face, wanting to crawl under the blanket and never come out. “Crying over this makes me absolutely pathetic, doesn’t it?”
“There is nothing, and I mean nothing, pathetic about you. I’d have broken down a million times by now if it was me. It’s saying a lot that this is the first big emotional day you’ve had so far.”
“I wish that was true. Not evenclose.”
“It isn’t?” His thumbs came up to brush the tears off her cheek. “You didn’t say anything before.”
She shook her head. “I spent twenty-five minutes the other morning crying about a penguin during mating season.”
He barked out a laugh. “Why?”
“Don’t laugh! He spent all day looking for the perfect rock to give to his wife.” Oh, God. The damn tears just wouldn’t stop. “It was so cute and so romantic.”
“Alright,Pebbles.Well, it’s not quite a rock, but I did bring you home a present.”
Her eyes lit up, finally landing on the bag in his hand.
“Oh! You did?”
“Yeah. I know I’m probably overdoing it with remedies for the nausea, but I just want you to feel better.”
“I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re not. We both know that. And don’t try to back peddle on your anger now.”
“I’m not angry… I’m just… emotional.”
“Don’t say it like it’s a bad thing, Jess. It’s such a fucking privileged to see every side of you. I love them all. Except maybe the nauseous side. I don’t ever want to see you like that again, but only because I know how truly awful it is for you.”
“Hawk.”
“I can’t just sit by and do nothing while you get sick and can’t function. I got you this.” He pulled the box out of the bag and set it on her lap.
“What is this? A smart watch?”
He smiled. “Kind of. I’ve been trying to keep track of your nausea and the triggers, and then I got to searching on the internet for some other moms who might have experienced the same thing and found relief. There were two blogs for expectant moms that just felt more… trustworthy… than some of the comments that were on the parent discussion boards I joined. One was even a midwife, like Birdie. I looked at her state’s licensing credentials to make sure she was really educated on this stuff, and felt like we could trust what she was saying. So I did.” He reached over and opened the box, pulling the bracelet from the packaging. “This sits on your wrist and stimulates your vagus nerve. For some moms, it takes away all of their nausea. For others, it lowers it to a manageable level, but almost everyone who commented about this thing said that they felt like they’d been given their life back. I thought we could try it for a while and see if it worked for you.”
“You think it will work for me?”
“I don’t know, but what have we got to lose?”
“I’m terrified to be hopeful.” She held out her wrist as he wrapped the band around and secured it.
“There’s just a small button on the side to start it, and you can choose the level of stimulation, although the instructions say to start out on the lower settings and work your way up if you need to.”
Her heart skipped around in her chest as she pressed the button and the screen on her fancy new bracelet lit up. “You did all that research and you read the instructions for me?”
“Of course I did.” Hawk lifted her arm and kissed next to the band. “I just want you to feel better. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you do.”
Fourteen
Two fucking weeks. That’s how long it had been since Jessie spent the night at his place. Hawk wasn’t trying to push, but the more time went on, the more restless he became. He couldn’t fucking sleep, his mind racing through every possible reason why she just wouldn’t talk to her family and move in with him.
The simulator plans sat open on his computer, but he hadn’t fucking looked at them in the last hour. A notification pinged on his phone.
Are you awake?
