“Hawk.” Jessie reached out and rested her hand on his arm. Her fingers ached to trace the thick veins running up and down his forearm. Instead, she forced herself to focus on the truth. “I don’t think of that day when I think of you. I think of the night before, when we were together. I think of the moment I realized you’d found me. The relief and safety I feel every time I see your face. You are such a good man, and I don’t want you to ever question that.”
Hawk’s fingers slid through hers, his thumb resting on her pulse point, applying gentle pressure that made the nausea fade and butterflies take its place. “Are you… I mean, do you want to keep it?” The question felt like she’d taken a red hot knife to the heart.
“You said you were happy. Is that what you want me to do?” Her lip quivered. Let him say the words. Let him tell her he’d pay for an abortion if it was what she wanted. It wasn’t, but he owed her that, at least.
“I want to be a father, Jess. I told you, I will protect what’s mine.”
“The baby,” she whispered.
“I wasn’t thinking about the baby just now. I was thinking about you.” His finger tipped her chin so her eyes were forced to meet his. “This is your body, your choice. You said you were going to make an appointment to check the placement of the IUD, I just figured that meant?—”
“I’m keeping the baby,” she admitted. “I don’t want to get an abortion. I want to have this baby. But I’m not interested in being a burden to you, Hawk. I have a great big family who will be royally pissed at me for a minute when I tell them this happened, but they’ll love the baby in the end. He’ll have a good life.”
His eyes went wide before they dropped back to her belly. “He?”
“I don’t know for sure. It’s just a feeling I have. Can’t really explain how a little grape can make me feel one way or another about that, but it does. I can find out probably around twenty weeks.”
“I want to be there when you do. If you do. I want to be there for it all, Jess.”
“There’s no rush. We’ve got time.”
His eyes drifted closed and she had to hold in the laughter from watching him try to do time math. “That’s in like another eleven or twelve weeks.”
“Yep.”
“We’re going to be parents.” He blew out his breath. “In summer.”
“No. I’m going to be a mom. This doesn’t have to change anything for you. You wore a condom. You opened the discussion about an abortion. You’re off the hook as far as I’m concerned.”
Hawk’s face turned red. “Why aren’t you hearing me? You think I want to be off the hook? Because I know that you have autonomy over your own body and want to honor your wishes about that? Fuck, Jessie! I’m not… I don’t… I?—”
The butterflies evaporated, replaced with a heavy, metallic taste on her tongue. Her stomach had been churning again, she thought just from the nerves of hearing if she was going to be raising a baby on her own or not, but apparently it was more than that. Bile rose in her throat, and she got to her knees just in time to retch over the toilet bowl. She honestly would laugh, the thought of having such a life changing conversation in the diner bathroom while her stomach tried to turn her body inside out. But she couldn’t laugh. Jessie barely had the strength to wipe the tears out of her eyes.
God, perfect timing, peanut.
“Fuck. I hate this. What can I do?” he asked, his hand rubbing gentle, warm circles over her back. Tears line her lashes, spilling over as she groaned and sat back on the floor.
“There’s nothing to do. Jake said this is normal. I forgot I’m supposed to eat little meals to keep things calm. It’s just been too busy. There’s too much to do.”
“The only thing you should be worrying about is taking care of yourself.”
Jessie laughed, but it was easy to hear the hysteria behind it. “I wish it was that simple. Help me up? I think it’s over and I need to close so I can get to bed.”
“Let me drive you home.”
“No.”
“Jess—”
“I’m fine now.” She wiped her hands on her lap before holding one out to him. Hawk stood, his arms crossing over his chest.
“You’re not fine. You’re exhausted. And you’re sick. You’re carrying precious cargo now, and even beyond that…” He moved a piece of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear. “Youare precious cargo to me. Let me drive you home. I’ll come out to the ranch tomorrow and we can talk things through again. But you need to rest.”
“I have to work in the morning.”
“Jess—”
“Hawk.”
