Her stomach lurched and she got to her feet. Wobbling as best she could, she rushed to the bathroom. Forget Hawk. She didn’t need him. And the baby sure as hell didn’t either.
Her knees hit the tile like they had five other times that day and everything she’d managed to get down since the last time she found herself in the same position came back up. It wasn’t much. Some water and that sip of ginger ale.
Pregnancy wasn’t beautiful. She didn’t care what anyone else said. It sucked. And she was only a few weeks into it. Her mind flashed back to the information Jake had givenher.
The tap turned on behind Jessie and she nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Fuck, Jess. You’re alright. Just breathe.”
A cold cloth pressed against her neck and she wanted to cry at how nice it felt. These hormones were going to kill her. Then it hit her:that assholehad stayed.That assholewas whispering the kindest, softest, reassurances to her and she wanted to wrap herself in the baritone sound and fall asleep in the safety of his presence.That assholewasn’t really an asshole at all.
“I thought you left,” she managed to choke out before reaching for a handful of toilet paper to wipe across her mouth. Saliva flooded her tongue and her gag reflex was set off again. Hawk’s hand rested on her back as she heaved into the toilet.
“Okay. You’re okay.” His confidence in her current situation was grounding, because somewhere inside she knew that she would be okay, now that he was there, and he knew about the baby. “I got up to lock the door. It’s late, and it sounds like we have some shit we need to talk through.”
Scratch. That.Her blood boiled. Jessie pressed her molars together so tightly that her jaw ached. “Our baby isn’tshitwe need to talk through.” God, the audacity of that man. She placed her hand protectively over her still flat belly. The baby might be giving her hell, but she still loved them, and she wouldn’t tolerate anyone acting like it wasn’t a blessing. Well, other than her. And that made sense to her newly blossoming mama bear instincts. Jessie had to suffer through feeling like absolute death while carrying the little bean, not anyone else.
His eyes were locked on her hand. “Our baby.” His gaze lifted to meet hers. “It’s mine?”
Her mouth dropped open. Mae was right. Hawk’s sister had warned her he was there for a good time, not a long time. She’d let herself get swept up in all his ‘Pretty Girl’ nonsenseand his warm, tender touches. He thought she was pregnant with another man’s child. “You don’t believe me? The whole‘Shit, sorry Pretty Girl. The condom broke’isn’t enough of an event to make you think this baby is yours?”
His hands scrubbed down his face. “Your IUD?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged, groaning as she swallowed down another bout of nausea. “Jake said it might be in the wrong place. I have to make an appointment. It could hurt the baby if it moved out of place.”
“Jesus.”
“I haven’t been with anyone else, Hawk. But if you want to do a paternity test, we can. If you don’t believe me.”
“No. Fuck. Of course, I believe you. I just…” He raked his hands through his hair before sitting down on the floor next to her. “What are the odds? That the condom breaks, and your IUD doesn’t work. I’m just…”
“Upset?”
Hawk’s eyes went wide, and then the most gorgeous smile she’d ever seen filled his whole face.
“No. Not even close to upset. I’m happy. Fuck, Jess. A baby.Our baby. Growing inside you right now.” She had to look away, his eyes were filled with such tender cautiousness as he held out his hand towards her belly. “I’m not upset you’re pregnant. I’m fuckingthrilled,and I don’t want to be the asshole who says that while we’re in the bathroom because you can’t stop throwing up.”
Oh.
“Can I?” Hawk asked, his hand still hovering awkwardly between them.
“No.” She pushed his hand back towards his body, heat flooding her face as the embarrassment of her outburst fully sank in. “You won’t be able to feel it anyway. It’s just my flabby tummy at thispoint.”
“Jess…”
“I can’t believe you would think the baby wasn’t yours.” She rolled her eyes. “I told you the truth that night, at Lily and Gunner’s vow renewal. I hadn’t been with anyone else in over a year. A year, jackass.”
“But since then? You haven’t wanted to look twice at me. I’ve been in this damn diner nearly every day, trying to find a way to just sneak a moment with you. You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder. I know the condom broke and I messed everything up, but… there hasn’t been anyone else for me since you, Jess. And I’m not just talking about what happened at the vow renewal.”
Her eyes searched for any trace of a lie. But there was nothing.
“Hawk.”
“I’m serious. What happened to you and Mae… when you were taken…” Jessie watched as he struggled to find his words, his jaw clenched tight as the memories of that day washed over his face. “Fuck, Jess. I didn’t understand what happened. You were there in my bed when I went to shower and then, you were just gone. My fucking heart stopped beating. And it didn’t start up again until you were back in my arms. I know that makes me a bastard, because you were lying there on the snowy ground, a state away and scared out of your mind, but in that moment, I was so fucking relieved. Do you know how hard it was letting you go? Walking away after your family swarmed in? It should have been me looking after you from then on. It should have always been me. So, yeah.” Hawk’s hand rubbed across the late day stubble dotting his jaw. “There hasn’t been anyone else for me since then.”
“I didn’t know,” she whispered.
“Well, now you do. I shouldn’t have been so afraid to say it plainly like that. I thought you wouldn’t want me again. That you’d always think of what you went through and know it wasalways because of me. I didn’t want to bring up painful memories for you.”
