I change the subject, wanting to lighten the mood. “Are you excited about leaving tomorrow?”
His eyes brighten. “I’ve never even been out of the state, let alone to another country.” Felix eats. “Why did they choose Mexico?”
“It’s where Andre’s mother is from. A way to make it feel like she’s there. Oli’s wrestling with spreading some of his mother’s ashes at their wedding venue. I know he’s struggling with that.”
“They both lost their moms?” I nod. “What about their dads?”
“Oli’s never met his and...” I struggle with how to put this. “Andre’s dad was very abusive. He’s actually going to be on trial soon and could go to prison for a while.”
“For abuse?” Hope sparks in his eyes. “Oh, wow.”
“There are other charges, but he got caught trying to hurt Andre in our locker room. A teammate of ours filmed it. There’s a lot to it. I know they both wish their mothers could be there, though. It’s going to be a beautiful wedding.”
“They seem very happy.”
“Can I talk about something uncomfortable? Just for a moment.”
Felix picks his fork back up, pushing his food around. “Yeah?”
“When we get back, can we take steps to resolve this thing with Steven?”
“Grey, I?—”
“Wait, wait. I know. It’s scary. I know it is. Just please, listen.” I reach for his hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Hell, if you don’t want to leave this house, that’s up to you, but you deserve to live a full life. We can get help.”
“What if no one believes me?”
“I believe you. I believe you and I will fight for you. He has no power over you.” I rub the tops of his hands. “I’m just saying, let me help you. I don’t throw money around often, but I’ll use whatever resources I can to help. We’ll get you a restraining order.”
“Why? Why are you doing this?” He puts his fork down, rubbing his eyes, then adjusts his glasses. “This doesn’t make sense, Grey. Why are you going to all this trouble?”
“Because despite everything that’s happened to me this year, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.” I get up and sit beside him, willing him to look at me. My hand lands on his face. “You deserve to be happy. With me, notwith me, it doesn’t matter, Felix. All I want is for you to be happy. You deserve that. That’s all I want.”
“I’m not worth all this trouble.”
“You are worth all the trouble.” I cup his face gently, forcing his eyes to mine. “You got yourself away from him. You don’t want to go back, right?” He pouts, and fuck it’s adorable. “You aren’t going anywhere, Felix. You’re not. The only person who tells you what to do is you, but you need to ask yourself... What do you want?”
He thinks, then cups my face, leaning in for a kiss. I hook my arm around his back and pull him carefully onto my lap. He deepens the kiss. “What if what I want is right here?” he says against my lips.
I pull back, smoothing my thumbs along his cheek bone. “Then you stay right fucking here.”
TWENTY TWO
Grey
Felix wheels his suitcase out, maybe even more eager than I am to get out of here. “You sure you packed everything?” He nods. “Your journal?”
“Yes, I did.” I take his bag from him, putting it into my trunk. Felix suggested loading up the car tonight because I always feel worse in the morning. While I’ve healed a lot these last few months, mornings are still a bit rough. When we get back I have my six-month checkup, and I hope everything is healing like it should. There are so many things I’ve wanted to start doing again, and now, I just want to do them all with him.
We’re going to meet Oli and Andre in the morning and then go to the airport together with Atlas and Ryker. “I think I’ve got everything important. It’s only a week.” When he smiles now it reaches his eyes in a way that warms my chest.
It’s nice out here right now. I think about starting a fire and sitting outside for a bit. It’s not raining tonight and this has become my favorite way to end the day. Just us outside,nothing but the stars shining down on him, and making out like fucking teenagers.
Then we go inside, and the things he makes me feel, the things he does to me... I know he’s new to all of it, but he unravels me with ease.
I want to touch him in return, but he’s a bit cagey when I bring it up. I haven’t touched him since that night on my couch, and I’m perfectly fine going at whatever pace he needs to go. Still, I want to treat his gorgeous body with the same care and attention he’s shown me. “It’s alright. The less clothes you pack means the less you’ll wear.” Red creeps across his cheeks and I smile, kissing him.
“I’m excited to go.”
