“Thank you,” he says softly. He won’t meet my eyes. “Grey, I’m... I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”
“You don’t have to. I know you are.”
He scrubs his face with one hand. “Is Felix okay? Oli told me what happened.”
“He is. He’s okay.” As okay as any of us can be right now. “He’s just in shock over everything.” I set my mug down and reach for his hand. I know he didn’t mean what happened, but it happened and we need to talk about it.
“He knows you didn’t ... I mean that I?—”
I nod. “He knows.” A heavy weight settles inside my chest. “You know how much I love you, right?”
His fingers slip out of mine. “Don’t do that. I fucked up. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking, and I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”
The fact is, there’s a reason why he did. It wasn’t a drunken mistake. The way he’s acted since Felix came into my life is proof. “Look at me.” He swallows, electric-blue eyes steady on me. “You’re my brother. I care about you so much and I love you. That’s what this is, though. We’re family. I think in time you’ll understand that. What we have can’t be replaced.” I squeeze his arm and watch his lips tremor. “We’re closer than anyone else. You’re still my best friend.”
He swipes at his eye, setting his mug down. “I feel like shit.”
“I know you do.” I know Atlas better than anyone. “Nothing changes between you and me. I’m not playing this year, but you’re still my best friend. I’m here for you whenever for whatever. If you need to vent, drink, if you need cuddles—” That makes him laugh. “I’m your guy.”
He sucks his teeth, sitting straighter. “That’s the thing, though, Grey. I’m notyourguy.” I don’t know what to say to that. “I am happy for you. I really am.” He blinks rapidly. “I couldn’t think of a better guy for you. Felix is sweet, and I know you need a little of that in your life. I’m so happy for you.” He takes a deep breath. “But I have to tell you something. Only Oli knows... and probably Andre. They’re a package deal now, I guess.”
“What is it?”
“Lately, even before this, I’ve done a lot of thinking.Something is going on with me, deeper than just what I feel for you. I’ve thought a lot about some things and I...” Atlas stares at the floor, his knee bouncing. “I uh... I asked for a trade.”
“What?!”
He nods, grabbing his coffee and taking a sip. “I need to be on my own for a bit, I think. I need to figure out what the hell is wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. Being queer is?—”
“No, no, that’s not what I mean. That’s not it.” He shakes his head, steadying his breath and trying to calm the shake in his voice. “The thing is, I know you love me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I amin lovewith you and... I don’t know. I’m a mess. I need space. Being here with you and Felix, it’s going to hurt too much. I just need some space. I think it’s best for me. I need to figure myself out.”
I want to argue, but I try to put myself in his place. “What if I told you I won’t be here,” I hedge. His brows scrunch. “I got a job offer in New York. To coach at the state college. I’m going to take it.”
“What?! Really? That’s amazing.” He smiles. “You’ll be a kickass coach. They’re so lucky.” He grabs my hand and squeezes. “And no, it won’t change my mind at all. I need this. A change of scenery. I think it’ll be good for me.”
“Where are you trading to?” Atlas grabs his coffee, taking an obnoxiously loud, time-stalling sip, not meeting my eyes. “Are you serious?! Rome, he?—”
“Rome is a dick; all of Virgina knows it. The Vipers know it. The league knows it. I’m not worried about him. Knox says he’s like one wrong move from being tossed anyhow. I’ve already signed a contract. The trade is in place, and I’m leaving next week. I really like Knox. He’s a good guy. He’s helping me get a place in the building he lives in. I just need something new. I need to grow a bit.”
For the longest time it’s been Oli, Atlas, and me. We’re all changing, though. All in different phases of our lives. Still, I can’t help being sad.
“I’m going to miss the hell out of you.” I cough, clearing my throat. My eyes burn. I know I’m leaving too, so I don’t know why this is hitting me so hard. Maybe because it feels real now. I’m leaving. Atlas is leaving. Everyone is moving in different directions.
“Virgina is closer than Oregon.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Only a short plane ride away. You better come to my games when we play the Hawks. I mean it.” Atlas laughs. “We’ll start a new tradition.” It’s quiet for a moment, and I don’t know what to say while I take this in.
“Oh, shit,” I say.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m realizing now I’ll have to buy a Vipers jersey.” I grimace. He punches my arm with a laugh.
“Damn right. Sgarby in black and lime green. I’m going to look so hot.”
I laugh.
“I’m excited about this. I know it’s sudden, but I think this is going to be for the best. I’m going to miss you both so fucking much, Grey. You have no idea. You and Oli are everything to me. You’ve helped me so much, I can’t even begin to tell you what your friendship has meant to me.”
