I fell to my knees on the floor next to Auryn. Panicked screams echoed through the bathroom. It took a moment for me to realize I was the one making that sound. I stared at the knife handle sticking out of Auryn’s abdomen. What the hell had I done?
“Oh my God, Auryn, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Watching him struggle to suck in agonized breaths snapped me into action. I needed to call for help.
Rushing back to my bedroom, I tripped in my haste. Falling against the desk, banging the side of my head on the corner. That didn’t slow me down. I fumbled around until I found my phone, my fingers shaking as I punched in 911.
The operator who answered had to tell me to calm down several times before I was able to make a coherent sentence. Tears streamed down my face. This couldn’t be happening.
Once I knew that help was on the way, I hurried back to Auryn. Not knowing what to do, I grabbed a towel and did my best to apply pressure to the wound. His pained shout was one of the worst sounds I’d ever heard.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” I couldn’t stop repeating myself, growing more frantic with each repetition. “Please be all right. Please.”
Auryn sucked a shaky breath between his teeth. “Try to calm down, baby girl. I’ll be okay. I’ve had worse.”
I suspected he was only saying that to make me feel better. Nothing would make me feel better. I’d never felt so helpless before. Watching him bleed out all over my bathroom floor drove me into a frenzy. There was no calming down.
The mania only grew worse when the paramedics showed up with the police in tow. Because Auryn had been stabbed, they were obligated to investigate. The first thing they did was drag me away from him. I was a mess of hysterics, crying uncontrollably. Unable to speak or explain myself.
“What exactly happened here?” One of the cops barked at me, his demeanor menacing.
My body went limp, and I collapsed to the carpet, trying desperately to tell him that I didn’t mean to do it. I wasn’t sure if they understood a word I’d said.
While the paramedics tended to Auryn, prepping him for the move to the ambulance, he managed to tell them that it had been an accident. The two police officers seemed skeptical. Maybe they would have believed him if I hadn’t been acting so manic and out of control. When I clutched my hair and pulled out two handfuls, they immediately secured me with handcuffs.
“It’s for your own good,” the loud officer barked at me again. “You’re going to hurt yourself. We need to take you in and get to the bottom of this.”
Take me in? Was I being arrested? I couldn’t wrap my mind around any of this. I’d been in bed with Auryn less than an hour ago. This felt like a nightmare coming true.
I had no choice but to watch while the officers held me in the living room as the paramedics took Auryn out on a stretcher.Someone needed to call his friends. I had to let someone know. I didn’t want him to be alone.
“Let me call someone to be with him,” I pleaded, my concern helping me form a proper sentence. “His roommates need to know.”
“We’ll take care of that,” snapped the officer who seemed determined to scare the shit out of me.
A female officer was soon called in to help me get properly dressed. Although she seemed nicer than her colleagues, she was stern and straightforward.
“Your boyfriend claims this was an accident,” she said while helping me into a proper pair of pants. Her gaze flicked to the cuts on my leg but she said nothing. “I hope for your sake that he’s telling the truth.”
Tears continued to streak down my face. An overwhelming rush of emotion hit me again, and I came apart. Dissolving into hysterics. She studied me for a moment before calling out to her colleagues, telling them she thought I should be put on a seventy-two hour hold. What the hell did that mean?
The officers spoke amongst themselves while keeping a close eye on me, deciding if I needed to go to jail or to some facility. The men were more than happy to throw me in jail. The lady insisted I needed more than that. I needed help.
I didn’t know then that she was doing me a favor. All I heard was that she believed I was crazy. A total nutcase that needed to be put in an institution. That wasn’t me. I never did stuff like this. I had never hurt anyone before other than myself. Nothing I said or did would convince them that I was innocent here.
Listening to them talk flipped a switch inside me. I shut down completely. No more tears. No more garbled pleas and begging. Nothing but a silent stare.
They led me from the apartment, putting me in the back of a police car. I sat there alone for what felt like a long time while the officers made some calls from outside the car. I didn’t know what would happen to me now. Maybe it didn’t matter.
All I’d wanted was to be with Auryn. Now he was in the hospital bleeding from a wound that I had inflicted.
What if he died? Would I go to prison? Probably. It would be the least I deserved.
Even though I never meant for any of this to happen, I still was the one who took the knife from the kitchen. I fought him for it when he tried to take it from me for my own good. This was all on me.
What would my friends think when they heard about this? Would they blame themselves for not seeing the signs sooner? Or would they nod and agree that it had been coming for a while now?
Finally, the mean cop and his quiet partner got into the car. Without a word to me, the officer started the car and began to drive. I sat there numb. Unable to feel a thing. Wondering why I couldn’t feel anything. I’d become detached from myself. Like I wasn’t even me anymore.
We eventually came to a stop at a psychiatric facility on the edge of the city. Despite having heard of the place, I’d never been there before. Still handcuffed, the officers escorted me inside.
