I did my best to resist when the urge hit. Sometimes I laid on my bed, staring at the ceiling while smoking a joint instead. Although it may still have technically been a drug, it didn’t compare to blow.
A few times Codie and Stray came to my door, trying to coax me out. Inviting me out to movies and parties. When Rebel tried to recruit me for a cash pick up job, I told him to ask one of the other guys. I didn’t have it in me to function right now.
Not until I got the call that pulled me out of my funk. A number I didn’t recognize popped up on my phone screen. Usually, I ignored those. This time I answered.
“Auryn? It’s Athena. I need to ask you a favor.”
She had my full attention. “Sure. What’s up?”
“I just got a call from my mom. My grandma is sick. I have to go out of town for a few days. Will you come and check in on Ripley? I would ask one of the other girls to do it but I think it might be better if you came. She won’t say so but I know she wants to see you.”
I clutched the phone tight, feeling my heart pick up speed. “I can do that. No problem. I’m sorry about your grandma.”
Staring hard at the top of the neighbor’s house out the window, I sucked in a deep, shaky breath. This was exactly what I needed. Athena had saved me from going to their apartment and forcing my way inside.
“Thanks,” she said. “I’ll stop by after I’m finished packing and give you my key.”
A little over half an hour later, Athena was at the front door. I came downstairs to find her chatting with Codie in the entryway. She had no idea how huge of a favor she was doing for me.
“Here you go.” Athena held out a key ring with two keys on it. “This one is for the front lobby entrance, and this one is for the apartment door. I did mention to Ripley that someone would be coming by to check in on her. She doesn’t know it’s you.”
Codie’s eyes narrowed. “Do you think that’s a good idea? I can pop over and check on Ripley. I could even stay there for a few days.”
Even though Codie had become a dear friend of mine, and she was engaged to one of my best friends, I was ready to fight her for those words. Thanks to Athena, I didn’t have to.
“I think she needs to see Auryn. She doesn’t want to talk about it, but I know she misses him. I think this will be good for both of them.” Pressing the keys into my hand, Athena pulled me in for a brief hug. “Thanks for doing this.”
“Of course. It’s no problem at all.” I retreated to the kitchen while her and Codie talked for a few more minutes before Athena left.
It was all I could do to keep myself from rushing over there right that minute. I needed to get my head on straight first and for the coke in my system to wear off. I should probably shower too.
When Codie entered the kitchen a few minutes later, I held up a hand. “I already know what you’re going to say. I know you’re worried about Ripley. So am I. That’s why I need to see her. She needs to see me too.”
She let out a little soft sigh, dropping down onto one of the kitchen chairs. “I know. Honestly? I’m worried about both of you. I know you two would be so good together, if you can both get clean and stay that way. Otherwise, you’ll self-destruct before you can find out how good this can be.”
The part of me that had been a self-proclaimed bachelor for so long immediately wanted to shoot down everything shejust said. Yet the part of me that had finally acknowledged that I desperately wanted Ripley to be mine knew that Codie was right.
“Nobody is self-destructing. Not on my watch. You’re a good friend, Codie. Ripley is lucky to have you. So am I.” I returned upstairs to shower, refreshing my mind as well as my body. Tonight I would go see Ripley.
I was almost ready to leave the house when the urge to snort a few lines struck. This time I didn’t immediately give in. The effort it took to resist made me realize how much of a role it played in my life. How it had become second nature to do it without giving it any thought. Like it was part of me.
There were a lot of things about me that would never change. My willingness to get my hands dirty when a job needed to be done. My cocky attitude and ability to always have a ball busting remark for my friends. Being a criminal.
One thing I did want to change was being an addict. Somewhere along the way that had become part of me. It was time to change that. For myself and for Ripley.
When I parked in front of her apartment building, I took a few minutes to steal myself. Taking deep breaths. Trying to fight through the drug cravings that left me with a gnawing pit in my stomach.
I let myself into the building with Athena’s key, taking the stairs up to the apartment instead of the elevator. Buying myself some extra time to compose my thoughts. I’d been all over the place the last few days. Not feeling like myself. I wasn’t sure what myself even felt like without the drugs.
Since I didn’t want to freak out Ripley, I knocked on the door and waited. When there was no answer, I let myself into the apartment.
“Ripley?” I called her name, waiting for a response that never came.
Athena had mentioned that she’d been spending a lot of time in her bedroom. Maybe she didn’t hear me. I was still standing in the entryway near the living room when the bathroom door opened and Ripley emerged. She wore only a towel, her damp hair brushing her shoulders. She froze when she saw me.
“Auryn? What are you doing here?”
“Athena asked me to stop by. How have you been doing? I’ve been trying to reach you.” Now that I was so close to her, I barely kept myself from acting on my instincts. From tearing that towel off and bending her over while I violently fucked her. God, I needed it.
