My mother nodded her head.He discussed different funeral packages and their costs.He sounded like he was selling us a new car.“The normal service and burial costs five hundred dollars.You will have to decide between cremation and burial.If you do not want his body cremated, we will have to discuss casket models and their prices...”
Gabriel’s speech lasted a lifetime.By the end of his tangent, I wanted to scream.We’d just lost someone, and Gabriel was bombarding us with too much information.Without James, we couldn’t even afford a candy bar, let alone five hundred dollars.We would have to use all of our savings to pay for the cost of his funeral.I wanted to write James’s obituary, but there wasn’t any way to pay for it either.We could only afford the bare minimum.
I put my hand out to stop him from speaking.Susan was staring at us with a proud, tight lip.Momma looked disoriented.“We want your cheapest funeral service, and we want him cremated so we can take him to the cemetery in Butterfield.We will give you the pedal boat if you give us a discount.Now stop talking.You are upsetting my momma,” I said, rising from the table and walking my momma back to the basement.
James would have wanted to be put in a fancy wooden box six feet under.I couldn’t care about what he wanted because I knew Momma, and I couldn’t bare seeing his body the way it was.I needed to keep the image of James before he died in my mind if I were going to survive with poise.“I need to go outside to get some fresh air,” I informed Darren.I had to leave his house.It was claustrophobic, and nothing felt like home.
There was nowhere to go anymore, so I chose to sit on Darren’s front porch, where I got Fawn many years ago.I refused to look down the street at the cabin’s remains.It had to be midday; the sunshine touched my bare skin, but I was still cold.The sun’s power to vitalize me had vanished, along with my level head.
Shortly after, Darren followed me onto the porch.
“Where are your siblings?Whenever I am here, they normally jump around and cause chaos.It’s quiet today.Almost too quiet.”
“My dad sent them to fulfill the duties of the church.They are cleaning up the chapel for the funeral.”
“Oh.That makes sense,” I said, in a muddle.
“I am sorry about my dad.He has done this for so long that I think he has become insensitive to death.To him, it is just another day on the job,” Darren said, sitting next to me.
“It’s fine.I know he doesn’t want us here anyway.He thinks I will corrupt you.Maybe he is right,” I snapped.
“Copper, he’s wrong.I don’t care what my father wants or thinks.I will be there for you through thick and thin,” Darren responded.
I’d thought James would be there for us, but he left.I wanted to believe Darren would stay and be there for me through everything.James was there for years, and yet I was alone and fatherless.People didn’t care about me, James, or Momma.They only wanted to drain our pockets and suck the marrow out of our bones.
“I don't know anymore,” I said, putting my hands over my eyes.
Are you there, God?It’s me, Penny.At this point, I don’t believe you are real.
Chapter Twenty-One
The Funeral
Song: A Working ClassHero—John Lennon
June 30th, 1975
