I held her tighter, having no words to ease her worries. Not when they were so valid. A knot formed in the pit of my stomach, and for the first time, I considered running away. Considered taking Evera and Calix to the western lands and starting a new life there, where it was unlikely I would be recognized. Where I could get a laborer’s job, make an honest wage, and providefor them. A cottage at the edge of a smaller village, overlooking fields.
“I must protect my brother, Evera,” I said, sorrow thickening my words as I knew very well the cost I bargained with.
Though I expected her to counter me, to point out that my capture would lead to Calix’s death or to her despair, she only nuzzled against my chest. When she drew back, she reached between us and cupped my cheek, the smoothness of her palm a contrast to the short stubble growing in at my jawline.
Barefoot, she raised to her toes, arching into me, and brushed my lips with hers. The kiss was slow, gently seeking as her lips parted and she sought to deepen it. She tasted of cinnamon, with a woody and sweet flavor. Like spiced cider.
When she broke the kiss, I lowered my forehead to hers, immensely grateful for the gift of her presence. For this unexpected spark that made my life worth living, beyond simply fulfilling a task. For the way she lent me to dreams of a simple life, with such wistful longing.
“My soul is yours,” I said on a breath. “Until my dying breath, it is yours.”
Lowering her hand to my chest, Evera drew back enough to meet my eyes. There was such sadness there, and it ached at my heart.
“Neir, I want you to shift for me.”
Shift. I couldn’t. Not even for my mate. “Evera—”
Huffing a breath, she wiggled from my arms and took my hand, leading me into my room. She dropped her grasp and closed the door quietly behind us, allowing Calix to sleep in the hall, undisturbed by our conversation.
“Please,” she said, “allow me to speak before dismissing the idea entirely.”
Setting my jaw, I nodded once and leaned back against the door, crossing my arms.
She paced from the bed to the dresser and back again several times, her feet showing beneath her dress as she walked. The dress was a bit shorter than the others I’d seen her in. Everything about her was so small compared to me.
“Neirin.”
I looked to her. “I apologize. I was pondering how fair and delicate you appear. It is an exquisite complement to the fire within your soul.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Are you attempting to flatter me?”
“No,” I said truthfully, then leaned into playfulness in an attempt to lighten the conversation. “My thoughts began to wander, as it was taking you some time to gather your thoughts.”
“You are insufferable.” She huffed, but the corners of her lips turned up.
Stepping to her, I took her hands in mine. “Admittedly so, at times.” I trailed my thumb over a freckle between her index finger and thumb. “This is important to you? That I shift?”
“It is,” she said. “You believe the fox to be a monster, and I will not force you to speak on why if you are not ready to. But Neir, when you were wounded, I held him in my lap. There is more to him. I know it in my soul, and I know that he will not hurt me.”
“The fox sees you as his,” I agreed. He wouldn’t hurt her.
“The book of lore states that children experience middle shifts until they come to accept their animal. I have faith that there is a possibility this is true for you as well. That in giving yourself to him freely, in fostering a bond with him, you may ease the battle between the two of you. It is possible you may unlock your abilities, too.”
“To perceive magic,” I recalled.
“Yes. And to manipulate it.”
“Why does this matter? Why now?”
Dropping my hands, she held the front of my shirt, the cotton loose and light. “Eaumond is important to Calix. I want to try to help him. If you shift, show your fox some acceptance, perhaps you would be able to control his–”
“Rescuing that boy is not our priority,” I reminded her. It couldn’t be.
“If there is a chance you may be able to control his magic, temper it …” She pushed. “Will you attempt this? For me? Will you give yourself to your fox and see if you gain some connection? Some flicker of access to your abilities?”
Sighing, I gently raised her chin. Was her theory true? If I gave myself freely to the fox, would he become more manageable? Would my abilities come forward? And would that give me an advantage in aiding Harlan? No.I could never shift outside of this room. With Evera, I knew the monster was no threat. But outside of these walls, with others, if he felt threatened … “This is truly what you ask of me?”
“Yes.”
