She swallowed. It was not easy to bare her soul and be vulnerable. She prayed that while she was falling into an abyss, he would be there to catch her. She wanted him to say that he wanted the same thing. That he was the man she had been waiting and hoping for.
Daniel’s eyes had lowered to his feet. He remained where he was. Two children could have passed between them without nudging either. He had never been so distant. Lucy had felt more connected to him that evening by the back entrance of St. Clair’s house.
The silence stretched thin but took a while to snap. Then, he nodded once. The frown that contorted his handsome features turned into a lackluster smile.
“I see,” he said in a monotone. The heat that had ignited between them during their first tryst felt several lifetimes away. “It is indeed a noble ambition, Lucy. You are a reputable lady of the ton. You deserve to have a household of your own.”
“Daniel?”
Her question hung in the air. She was no longer certain what she wanted to accomplish with it.
“If Marsleigh continues to be a hindrance to your dreams, I will have a serious conversation with him. I can even solicit the help of my charming sister, Victoria. However, I believe that my rank should help persuade some gentlemen to realize that Marsleigh is no longer interfering this time. I will help you find a good match, Lucy, one who is worthy of you. A man who can provide you with a home and security.”
The words doused her like ice water. Instead of offering to marry her, he was going to help her find a husband. He would gladly relinquish her to another man.
“So you would be vetting my suitors?” she asked, her voice trembling with barely contained fury.
There were days when she thought she hated her brother the most, but tonight she didn’t know who was worse, Daniel or herself. An unfeeling man and afool.
More questions hung on the tip of her tongue, held back by pride.
Would you rather see me marry someone else?
Are you not going to fight for me?
Daniel had already chosen his path. Her path. There was no “their path.” There had never been one. Perhaps she had read too much into it, merely fell for a rake with a mission. She was a complication.
“I want you to be happy,” he murmured, still not meeting her eyes.
“In that case, you don’t know me at all! You never did!” Lucy hissed. “I do have to say no, thank you,Your Grace. My brother will arrange my marriage if he does not want a scandal.”
She turned on her heel and stormed out of the greenhouse, then half-ran back to Marsleigh House. Her vision had become blurry from tears, and she even felt the first droplets of rain.
The skies were mourning with her. Mourning a love that never was.
Love?
Horror filled her. No, it was merely infatuation. She had been looking for escape and found him. She was certain that he thought their encounters were nothing more than ways to pass the time.
Her tears only fell freely when she reached the safety of her bedroom. This time, she did not look out the window to check if he was still in the greenhouse.
The next morning, Lucy woke up with a plan in mind. Today was about careful precision and calculated obedience to achieve her goal: get married to the first eligible bachelor.
She chose a primrose silk dress. While it wasn’t as dull as the greys and browns Joshua had forced her into, this one was modest in cut and made her look almost as sweet as a debutante. Then, she descended to the breakfast room.
Joshua was there, inspecting a sheet of paper. He folded it as soon as he saw her, the small scowl on his face transforming into a wide smile.
“Good day to you, Lucy. You look rather radiant and agreeable this morning,” he praised.
He rose merely to pull out a chair for her. She graciously thanked him and sat down.
“Joshua,” she began, keeping her tone light and airy, despite the ache in her chest. “I am twenty-two, and I—I am growing weary of being a wallflower. I wish to marry this Season. Don’t worry. I don’t have any illusions about finding romance, just security and my own household.”
Joshua froze.
Lucy was afraid that he would say something terrible like, “That would never happen.” A strange look passed over his face. His cheeks seemed to quiver as his eyes bored into hers.
It was the same face he would make whenever he said that she was the pride of the family. There was something dark and calculating about it, but she always felt ungrateful whenever she felt that way.
